Happy Blogoversary!!

January 5, 2008 at 10:40PM I published my first blog post!  Three years and 339 posts later and I'm still writing.  My motivation for starting a blog was so that our friends and family members could follow us through our first pregnancy - it was easier than making tons of phone calls each time there was a new development.  After Y's birth it slightly evolved and included pictures of her growth each month, milestones as well as our own struggles with parenthood and life in general.  Our blog really still serves the same purpose as it always has, to keep those closest to us informed about our journey through life, but now we have a few readers who we don't know at all (yes, I stalk my own blog and keep tabs of who visits and when). 

I didn't set out to be one of those blogs that attracts a ton of readers based on my witty personality, or super creative word play.  And I guess that's a good thing because had that have been my goal I would have failed miserably!  But for those of you who I do not know personally or drop in from a friend's blog, thanks for stopping by.  I hope I don't bore you too much but if I do, I guess you should reread the first two sentences of this paragraph. 

So much has changed for us in the past 3 years and I can only scarcely take it all in.  We are blessed.  We have had our every need met, now that's not to say that we haven't struggled.  We have.  And it's also not to say that we have everything that we want.  We don't.  But we have transportation, employment, our own home, food, a healthy little girl, and another precious angel on the way.  Sure, there's more that we could ask for, and we do ask for it often.  There is nothing wrong with asking, that is what prayer is for, right?  But we try not to complain if the answer to a certain request is either "no" or "not yet" because we truly know how blessed we are.

I've been told a time or two (or three) since starting this blog that I should become a writer of some kind one day.  And well, the truth of the matter is that I hate writing and my grammar sucks (though a really good editor could solve that problem).  So the truth is, that aside from writing my own thoughts and ramblings on this blog I really, really, really hate to write.  The only way I could be a writer of any kind is if I could truly say whatever was on my mind and say it how I wanted to say it without having to be a slave to a deadline.  And realistically, I can't name a single job of any kind that would allow that.  So for now I'll just keep writing here on our blog which has become more of a journal for me.

Thanks for coming along with us on our journey!

Am I The Only One?

I have a tendency to be extremely nostalgic most of the time.  Because of this I find that there are times when I am hesitant for change while simultaneously being excited about life and some of the changes we go through in life.

Lately, as I sit and play with Y I have become increasingly thankful for this time.  The times when it's just her and I.  Don't get me wrong, I love when B is home and not at work but I also have grown to love having time with just Y.  And it's often during this times that I feel really torn.  Torn because I love being her mommy and doing absolutely nothing but tickle her or paint her toenails or watch Finding Nemo a million times - the activity doesn't matter as long as it's just us.  But on the other hand I know that it is time for us to expand our family and that once we do, it will no longer be just me and Y anymore.

Don't misunderstand me, we are definitely ready to have another baby, but I sometimes find myself sad at the thought of it no longer being just "us."  Before Y was born and even when we were trying to conceive I had similar feelings.  I knew I would miss it just being B and me, being able to do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted without having to fit a naptime in the schedule or worrying about finding a babysitter, etc.  And I'll admit that after she was born, I did have a few times when I got really nostalgic and longed for those times when it was just the two of us again.  Those feelings are pretty nonexistent now, maybe because Y is 2 now and it's been so long since it was just the two of us that I have completely forgotten our "previous life" as a childless couple or maybe just because we've settled into our current routine and life.

As we now have officially decided exactly when we want to start trying (and no it's not yet) I have started to feel similar feelings again.  Wanting it to be just the three of us but at the same time knowing our family is not complete and having that strong desire to create another life and bring a spirit into the world.  I don't know why I have these moments when I want everything to stay the same because B will tell you that I've been pushing for months now to get the ball rolling and start trying to get pregnant.

Before we were pregnant with Y and even during the pregnancy, I thought I had it all figured out.  I had decided that I wanted my kids to be between 18 months and 2 years apart.  When Y was about between 3 and 6 months, that changed and I increased that to somewhere between 2 and 2½ years.  I still think that 2½ years would be perfect but right now we're looking at about 3 years between Y and her next sibling.  And honestly, I feel that to be the "right" timing for us right now. 

I am appreciative for this time of getting to know her and her personality, bonding with her and her alone.  I am enjoying so much this time with Y and watching her grow and learn new things.  I absolutely love the smile which spreads across her face when she comes to give me a goodnight hug and kiss.  I also feel as if having so much space between them will allow me to have a similar experience with the next baby.  I know that it won't be exactly the same and that Y will still need to have lots of love and attention as to not feel as she is being pushed aside for a "newer model."  But I feel like she will be at an age where she can become Mommy's Big Helper and that I will be better able to explain certain things to her about the new baby and she'll be better equipped to understand.

I am not the perfect parent, there are times when she works my nerves and I cannot wait for B to get home.  There are also times when I ask myself, "are you sure you want another one?"  But nothing in the world compares to the love I have for her and B.  I know that whenever you have another child it's as if your heart just grows and you love them the same.  And I cannot wait for that day.  Someone once told me that you "just know" when your family is complete and I absolutely believe that.  And I know that ours is not yet complete nor do I believe it will be complete after the birth of our next child but I can't seem to shake off the feelings of wanting this to stay as they are.

Does any one else ever feel this way, or am I the only one?

What I Want...What I Have

I mentioned in my last post that I had a lot of thoughts running through my mind that I wanted to share in a post but I didn't want to put it in that post...well here are those thoughts:

I WANT a house! The housing market in Michigan is GREAT...if you're a buyer (it sucks if you're trying to sell). Everyone keeps telling us that it's the perfect time to buy, and we're well aware of this and boy do we wish we could buy but there are a couple problems with that right now. I graduated but I have no plans of working so that greatly diminishes our ability to buy any house right now, much less a house that we'd want to buy. Sometimes I look at our savings account and think, "we're doing okay for ourselves" and then I think of the economy and so many in this country (especially in Michigan) who were doing "okay for themselves" and now have little to nothing. It's scary! I also hate the thought of being in debt for the next 15-30 years of my life. But perhaps the biggest obstacle for us right now is our own desires. Ya see, neither of us believe in the idea of having a "starter home" we only want to buy ONE house...EVER. We want 4 kids and when we buy our first home we want to buy a house that will comfortably work for us and our 4 kids so that we never have to move again (unless a wonderful job offer comes and moves us to the east coast *wink**wink*), regardless of the number of kids we have when we buy the house. The thing is, all those types of houses (in this area) are out of our price range. Now if we were to move way out into BFE...then we could afford one of those houses, but that's not an option we're willing to accept!

I HAVE an apartment that is the perfect size for us and is really at a price we can't beat! I like not having to mow the lawn and not having to pay to have any appliances fixed when they break. But the most important part of all is that we have somewhere to call home that is safe, it keeps us warm in the winter and cool in the summer (for extremely low cost).

I WANT a second car! I cannot tell you how much I hate having to get up early on the days that I need to keep the car. It wasn't so bad when it was just me but now that I have Y it's a matter of getting her up and fed before we take him to work and then going about our daily routine and doing everything we need to get done all before having to be back to pick him up by 4pm. I also hate not being able to just get up and go somewhere in the middle of the day if I want to, sitting at home all day can drive me crazy!!!!

I HAVE a fully functional and reliable car that gets us where we need to go, when we need to get there. I also have a wonderful husband who is always accommodating when I want to have the car regardless of the reason.

Long story short: I so often get wrapped up in what I want that I neglect to realize what I have! I live a great life which happens to be a fairly comfortable life. Right now when so many people have so little and are quickly losing what they do have, I realize that I have so very much to be grateful for.

A few days ago I was having a similar conversation with B regarding the topics above as well as our timeline for expanding our family. Previously our timeline for baby #2 was around the time Y turned 15 months so that they would be approximately 2 years apart. Well I told him that there was no way we were going to make that deadline because I want a house before we have baby #2 as well as being more financially secure. Well, what he said next really stuck with me and I kinda kicked myself because I knew it all along. He said, "Heavenly Father knows how many kids we want, if it is His will then He will make the way. So just let Him figure it all out." I LOVE my husband! Whenever I have my moments of doubt he says what I need to hear to ease my worries.

No Clever Title Here!

It's been a really long time since my last post and I'm not really sure why. I haven't been doing anything exciting at all, in fact it's definitely been the least occupied I've been in a very long time. I suppose after the excitement of April and the first several days of May - having family visiting - my life has seemed pretty dull and I really haven't had much to post. But I have had a lot on my mind these days but I'll save that all for another post. We're all doing fairly well. I say fairly because at least one of us in the house is semi-sleep deprived. I should have known it was too good to be true when Y started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. She's making up for it now, though most times it's just a matter of going in and giving her a pacifier. But there are a few nights when she wants mommy to pick her up and snuggle her for a little while before putting her back down. The constant sleep interruptions are very draining! Don't even get me started on nap time because that has become a battle as well! Other than those 2 issues, she's still as happy and loving as always.

B gets a 3-day weekend this week so we're heading for Canada after church on Sunday and will be there through Tuesday night. As for me, I need to find a hobby! Some days I get bored out of my mind and I find myself missing interacting with the outside world. We have been taking the opportunity to go out and enjoy this beautiful weather we've been having here. We will go to the park after dinner or just walk around the lake here together. Y loves being in her stroller and just looking at everything as it goes by. With any luck all of the outside air will help her sleep better! Speaking of which...I'd better go get some sleep before she wakes up for the first time of the night! ttyl

The Tyra Show and Race

So I'm sitting here watching Tyra Bank's talk show and I must say that I am a little concerned. The show is about race and one segment of the show focused solely on mixed raced women who identify solely with one of their races and hate the other. Why does this concern me? Because I have a multiracial daughter (black, white, hispanic) and I want her to love each of her races equally. I don't want her to feel that one is better than the other or to hate the idea that she is interracial. I've never really thought that she would grow up to show any preference for one of her races and watching this show I guess it just struck me that it could potentially happen and that I need to do all in my power to guarantee that it doesn't, that she never feels one race or culture is inferior to another. I think that maybe these women on this show had some horrible experience as a child that caused them to have these views. It's truly sad to watch and see how ignorant they are towards themselves and how they have stereotyped these races and by doing so are stereotyping themselves. I can't see into the future and know what Y will be like when she grows up but I do know that it is up to me (at least partially) to make sure she loves herself for everything that she is. Fortunately I feel that we live in an area and surround ourself with people who will allow her to feel comfortable with who she is but I guess what causes me concern is knowing that one day she will start school and she will be faced with issues that I never had to face because she is interracial. I'd like to think that it won't make a difference but since I've never experienced it I can't really say that and be 100% sure that it's true. B is mixed race and has told me of how it was growing up being half Mexican in Sarnia and honestly I'm hoping that since we live in a more culturally diverse area that Y won't have those issues. I dunno, but I do know that in the next 4½ years before she starts school I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure she loves each of her cultures and even those cultures that she's not a part of. Maybe we'll ship her off to spend time with relatives in different parts of the world. Likely that method won't happen so I'll try to do all I can here at home!

Answers to One of Life's "What If" Questions.

I often think back to the time shortly after Y was born. I had a brand new baby and being a first time mom there were many things I was unsure of. I was in school full-time with a very demanding course load. And on top of that I had a household to run, needless to say the cooking and cleaning part had to take a back burner. Well, when people would ask me, in astonishment, how I managed to resume classes only one week after I had Y - via C-section - I would reply that it was hard and then I'd say, "If I had to do it all over again I would have waited." When I said that I meant that I would have waited to have Y until I was done with school - this is my last and final year. I never had any intention of putting off school for a while because I really, really wanted to be done. So I'd often ask myself, "what if this" or "what if that." Well while putting Y to bed I got an answer to why we did things in the order we did them. Ya see, I tend to plan things out in my head and while I was pregnant and even after Y was born my plan consisted of: graduating, finding a job, buying another car, buying a house, hiring a nanny for Y, etc. Now, since I have decided to stay at home, my plan has changed, it had to change because having only one income changes things - at least it should - in order for it to make financial sense. So now my plan is to graduate, stay at home, eventually buy another car and eventually buy a house. My realization is that I am so glad that we decided to have a baby before I graduated, otherwise I likely would not have been able to make the decision to stay at home so easily. We would have had another car payment and a mortgage which likely would not have given me the luxury of making the decision to stay at home. I guess my lesson is that things happen on the Lord's timeline and it's that way for a reason. I'm extremely content with the answer to my "what if."

A Decision...I Think!

So for all those who have been following our blog, you know all about my great debate - to be a stay at home mom or a working mom. It's sort of weird, I always wanted to be a career woman and never really wanted to be a mom. And then it all changed. For me it didn't happen instantaneously the moment I first looked into my baby's eyes like it seems to happen for some people. For me it came slowly, during her morning feedings I'd imagine not being able to share that time with her. Or as I dress her in the morning I would imagine having to hurry through the process because I needed to get her to daycare as soon as possible so I wouldn't be late for work. Or rushing home to fix dinner and having very little time for her. And every time I thought of these things my heart broke and after a while I realized that the career wasn't what I wanted at all. Not if it meant sacrificing those special moments with my daughter. I'd think to myself, "maybe it'll get easier as she grows older" and I'm sure it would but then thoughts of baby #2 and #3 and #4 pop into my head and I know that there is no way that I would be able to leave them after only 6 weeks of maternity leave. Last week I was visiting a site for work at home moms and a question was posed, it asked: "What have you/do you sacrifice to stay at home with your kids?" The question really struck me and I asked myself what am I willing to sacrifice and I must say that at this point I'd sacrifice pretty much anything. And so, I think the decision has been made...I'm staying home and that decision has brought me a lot of peace. I still have student loans to pay back so if need be I'll find a retail job that allows me to work a few hours a week. Maybe one day I'll have that career of my dreams, but for now...I'm a mom!

A good friend of mine shared with me a poem months ago after one of my baby showers and I didn't really appreciate it then, but I can truly appreciate it now. The poem didn't influence my decision but it really hits home with me and brings tears to my time each time I read it. I thought I'd post it here and share it with you all. It doesn't have a title and the author is listed as unknown but it's beautiful all the same! Here goes:

She came tonight as I sat alone

The girl I used to be...

And she gazed at me with her earnest eye

And questioned reproachfully

Have you forgotten the many plans

And hopes that I had for you?

The great career, the splendid fame

All wonderful things to do?

Where is the mansion of stately height

With all of its gardens rare?

The silken robes that I dreamed for you

And the jewels for your hair?

And as she spoke I was very sad,

For I wanted her pleased with me...

This slender girl from the shadowy past

The girl that I used to be

So gently arising, I took her hand,

And guided her up the stair

Where peacefully sleeping, my babies lay

Innocent, sweet and fair

And I told her that these are my only gems,

and precious they are to me;

That silken robe is my motherhood

Of costly simplicity.

And my mansion of stately height is love,

And the only career I know,

Is serving each day in these sheltering walls

For the dear ones who come and go.

And as I spoke to my shadowy guest,

She smiled through her tears at me;

And I saw that the woman that I am now

Pleased the girl that I used to be...

--Author Unknown

It's amazing that I went from being a girl who never wanted to be a mom to a woman who only wants to be a mom. Life definitely changes us and, if we allow it, turns us into the people that Heavenly Father would have us be. I love my life! 143

Overdue

I haven't posted anything in about 10 or 11 days so I figure this is way overdue! January is always such a busy month or at least it always seems that way. So that coupled with the fact that our lives have been pretty boring and thus I had nothing to post explains why I haven't posted anything. Y is getting so much personality now and she is such a good baby that I definitely have nothing to complain about. She consistently sleeps until either 8:30 or 9:30 in the morning and when she wakes she is content playing with her feet in her crib for another 10 to 15 minutes. After that I put her in bed with me, she eats and allows me to go back into a light sleep while she feeds. When she's done eating she goes back to playing with her feet and talking, allowing me to get another hour or so of sleep. She will lay there and entertain herself for 45 minutes to an hour and then she'll put herself to sleep. She'll nap for another 45 minutes to an hour and then we get up and go about our day! She really spoils mommy, it's like she knows how much I like to sleep and so she allows me to do it. She is generally happy as long as mommy is around. I don't necessarily have to be the one that's holding her, but she needs to be able to see me or hear me, especially at night. On Wednesday night I came home from school and since we've had so much snow there are spaces in our parking lot that I don't like to park in because they either haven't been plowed that great or because the plower (i doubt that's a word) put all the snow there. So I parked a little farther than I normally would have. Well as I'm walking up the sidewalk I hear a baby crying and I realize it's Y (a mother knows her baby's cry). So I start walking really fast up the stairs to the apartment and unlock the door, as soon as I get inside I say, "hey baby, mommy's home," all crying ceased immediately. I rush in, remove my coat, scarf and gloves, take her in my arms and she begins to smile and play like there was never anything wrong. She did this again tonight when I came home, cried until she heard my voice and then smiled and played as soon as she saw me. I think we can classify her as a momma's girl (for now at least). But as you will see in one of the videos below, she loves her daddy too! She loves eating her rice cereal, her feet (with or without socks), her fingers and the fingers of whoever happens to be holding her at the time. She loves to talk, squeal and just make her presence known in general. Anyway, here are some pictures and some video of her but be sure to pause the music at the bottom so you can hear her. If you can't find the pause button it's at the on the left side of the player under the little thumbnail picture. 143. Enjoy!

Pictures:

Videos:

Here she is attempting to eat her feet and then squealing.

This is her welcoming Daddy home from work.

Blessings

I really just felt the need to post and tell all of you how extremely blessed I feel to have you as part of our lives.

To my own family: I am so grateful, without you I wouldn't be me. Growing up I remember sometimes wishing I were a part of a different family but now there is no way I would change anything about you. You are a huge support to me and I know I can count on y'all through anything.

As for my in-laws: I was watching Desperate Housewives tonight (I know) and they were saying something about meeting the in-laws for the first time and how everyone dreads it. Well, I have to disagree! I totally lucked out in the in-law category. I have never had any issues with any of you and honestly feel that you guys are some of the most wonderful people on earth and I know that I am so blessed to have you as my family. Some of your family you're born into and others you choose (even if indirectly) but I am equally blessed in both.

My friends: I always have a tendency to wonder why things end up the way they do, why I went here, why I did this or that, why did I move here. And I think it all boils down to people and the influence that they will have on your life. That said, everything I have done or said or place I have gone has been a blessing to me because I have me some of the greatest people ever. Some of you are from back home, some of you are from VT, some of you are here in Michigan, and others of you are far off in distant lands but nonetheless I am so very grateful for you and to have you as part of my life. It's kinda weird but as it turns out I have made the greatest friends in places that I really wasn't sure why I was there. Rocky Mount, NC is no heaven on earth but it's home and I love it there and I have great friends there. My decision to attend Virginia Tech was kind of a last minute decision (I think I decided a week before having to return my letter stating I was planning to attend) but once I was there and I started meeting people I knew immediately that it was where I was supposed to be. And then there is Michigan, it took me a while to accept the fact that I was supposed to be here (and I'm still kinda wondering when or if that will change) but again, I have met and continue to meet the most amazing people and forming, what I hope to be, forever friendships.

So long story short, thank you all for your love, your support and your example. You guys are amazing and I'm blessed to have you.

3 Months or 13 Weeks

In just a matter of hours my baby will turn both 3 months and 13 weeks - she was born on a Thursday which just happened to be on the 4th day of September. As I looked at her as I rocked her to sleep tonight I could not believe how much time has gone by. A couple days ago as I was playing with her I heard her giggle for the first time. As hard as I tried to get her to repeat it, it never happened so I will be watching and listening intently over the next several days waiting for her to do it again. But as I reminisce over these past few months, I realize how blessed we have been. We're healthy, we have a healthy and happy baby, and things have worked out for the best for us in all situations. I mean, not long ago I was crying and upset and completely ready to give up on breastfeeding then when I finally thought I was getting the hang of it there was another wrench thrown into the situation when she stopped gaining weight. Now that I look back on it, I am so very happy that I stuck it out no matter what. It is so rewarding to me to be able to provide that for nourishment for my baby. Not to mention that I love the time that we get to spend together while she nurses. It definitely wasn't easy but I'm glad we stuck it out! I've said it before and I'll say it again, I never could have imagined how much a baby would change our lives. I can't think of a single thing that hasn't been changed in one way or another since she was born. I have learned a thing or two about myself as well as a few things about motherhood. This has been one of the, if not THE, most rewarding time periods of my life. I've gained a little more patience (although not too much more) and I've also learned a very, very valuable lesson: I am not superwoman! As disappointed as I am to admit it, I realized that I cannot do everything. I guess I've always wanted to do my best and be the best at everything, juggling a million things at once. Well, I think I'm over that! I've also gained a huge appreciation and respect for my own mother. I have always had a really close relationship with my mom but I don't think I ever really understood just what a mother sacrifices for her child until I had my own. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for her. I've also never wanted time to slow down as much as I have over the past few months...my baby is growing up and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I guess that means I'll have to appreciate each day a little more. One thing that I am extremely grateful for though is that now I tend to have a little more free time each day. For a while there I had very little time to myself and that can be tough on any one...even superwoman.

Time Flies

They say time flies when you're having fun! Well it's true because I've had the best 3 years of my life married to B! Yep, today is our 3 year anniversary! That's short compared to most of you but a milestone for us nonetheless. Especially for me! I mean 6 or 7 years ago, had you asked me, I would have told you I wasn't getting married and I definitely wasn't having kids! So if you've learned anything about me it should be that what I say is worth a grain of salt! Because this awesome guy came along and convinced me to marry him. And to top it all off he convinced me to have a baby too! The power of persuasion!!!

All jokes aside, I can honestly say that I have had the best three years of my life married to B and this year it takes on a whole new meaning as I sit here holding our daughter. If I can be blunt and honest then I must admit that growing up I had a pretty crappy impression of marriage. Though I love my parents and I know they love each other, it was not exactly a great depiction of what a marriage should be. Honestly, none of the relationships that I witnessed as a child were really "healthy" relationships. It wasn't until I joined the church that I really started to see what marriage could be. But I didn't think that was possible for me so instead of risking it I just said I'd spend my life single. And then along came B, convincing me that not only were there loving, gentle and kind guys out there but also that I was worthy of one of those guys. I don't think we have a perfect marriage, I don't even think the perfect marriage exists. But I do know that I will do everything in my power to assure Y (and her unborn siblings) that marriage is a wonderful blessing when it's with the right person. And I want to teach her (them) this by action and not words. I dunno what I did to deserve him, but Heavenly Father sent me the greatest gift I could have asked for and every day that I awake and see him laying next to me I am even more grateful. I love you, BPF and I'm welcoming eternity with open arms thanks to you!!!

Slightly Overdue

I named this post slightly overdue because it is just that, I've been saying for the past several days that I would post an entry but never got around to it until now. But I'm sure the lack of having anything to say contributed to my lack of posting. Our lives have been pretty uneventful these past several weeks and I have really just immersed myself in finishing the Y's room (which is actually done, I just need to go clean up my mess). When I'm completely done I will definitely post pictures. The other night I discovered B sitting in her room rocking in the chair, probably imagining what it'll be like once she arrives. I must admit that I have done this myself.

As for doctor appointments, they've been going well for the most part. We have done the NSTs for the past 3 weeks and she only really cooperated for the first one. I told my doctor that was because he was on vacation that week and we saw another doctor. The only thing is that when she doesn't cooperate I end up having to sit there for an hour or so before the doctor gives up and has to do an ultrasound where he has to watch her do certain specific movements, which can take a while as well. The good thing is that every week he does a fluid scan to monitor my amniotic fluid so I get to see her each week. Other than that, there's not much else to tell.

Rambling Thoughts

Yesterday while setting up Y's room I couldn't help but think of how happy I am to not only be becoming a mother but also how happy I am that it is at this time in my life. We are very fortunate to have all the blessings that we have. We always talked about having children before we were married, we agreed that we wanted to have 4 and that we wanted to wait until we had been married at least 2 years. This 2 years was our 'get to know you' period and by far the smartest decision that we ever made. I mean, I look at ahead to the early morning and late night feedings, B being at work all day, me having night classes four nights a week, and just taking inventory of how much time we may have to spend together and after taking all these things into consideration I am so happy that we waited those 2 years before even trying. We know each other so well, we've been able to do things that we couldn't have if we had've had the physical, mental and financial responsibility of a child and now that we've done those things we're finally ready for this next step. We have been given so much and now we can't wait to share that with our daughter. We also have been blessed with great families who support us and help us in any way that they can. Not to forget all of our great friends and the strength that they are. We just feel extremely loved and blessed through everything. It definitely has not been easy (marriage or pregnancy) but both have been so extremely fulfilling and rewarding and after all is said and done, we're just glad that we got to experience both together!

My Catch 22

I love my husband more than anything. I also love my family very much. My husband is in Michigan, my family in North Carolina, my heart is in both places. As I prepare to leave North Carolina to return to Michigan tomorrow I find myself extremely sad and also very happy, but then again I have the same dilemma when I leave Michigan for North Carolina. On one hand, tomorrow I will be leaving my family yet again for several months, which naturally makes me sad. On the other hand, tomorrow I will be reunited with the love of my life, and that makes me happy. I always manage to adjust after a few days but the initial goodbyes really really suck!!! I remember when I first got married I thought it would get easier each time, at least that's what everyone told me. Well I lied to myself and everyone who said that lied to me, it doesn't ever get easier, we just grow to realize that it sucks and try to move on from there. Anyway, enough babbling from me, I'll post some pictures sometimes next week...I think.

A 3-Day Weekend...Yay!!

Wow, this week has really flown by thus far. I'm not sure if it's because I leave on Saturday or if it was because Monday was a holiday. It was awesome to be able to spend a 3-day weekend with B. It was so relaxing and just fun to sleep in late together and then just spend the day together all day for three whole days. On Saturday and Monday we went out to check out some of the Memorial Day sales and found some really great deals on baby clothes. Everything is so cute that I wish I could buy it all but I realize that would be really premature of me. Especially since mostly sun dresses and other clothes like that are what's out on display now and we never know what the weather will be like in Michigan once she's born. If I still lived in NC I wouldn't hesitate to buy her a bunch of those dresses and such, but here in MI it might prove to be a total waste of money.

Not a whole bunch has been happening with us lately. B has officially had his conditions removed from his US Residency. It's really good I suppose, I just lost the leverage that I had to demand that we move elsewhere, haha. Oh well! I go to the doctor again tomorrow. Yes, I did just go last week but he wanted to see me again before I leave for 2 weeks to go to NC. Maybe after my last visit I will be a little more calm, but I won't place any bets on it. Last week my blood pressure was really good, he was still impressed with my numbers (even though I thought they were high) and I found out that I had lost 7 pounds in 2 weeks. I guess pregnancy is really good for me, who would have thought that I'd get pregnant and lose weight.

Well I suppose since I leave on Saturday morning that I should begin doing laundry and getting everything organized for my trip. I guess it still hasn't sunk in yet that I'm going because I don't normally go visit this early in the summer. That and the fact that I'm a procrastinator doesn't really work well together. Anyway, I'm tired and heading to bed. I guess the next time I post I'll be in the great state of North Carolina. I guess now I'm no longer just going to Carolina in my mind!