Quiet Reassurance

Ever since Y was born I have always loved tiptoeing into her room to watch her sleep.  I don't do it every night but I do it quite often - a few times a week.  This week after quietly going in I posted a status update on Facebook once I exited their room.  The status update read, "Sometimes, late at night I tiptoe into the girls room to watch them sleep. And on these occasions I am overwhelmed by how much I love being a mommy...their mommy."

I received a slew of comments and 'likes' for the comment from those telling me how great a mom I am, to those expressing their mutual feelings and agreement towards mother- or fatherhood to those who just felt it was a beautiful comment in general.  I guess I was a little surprised that my one comment struck a chord with so many, though I guess I shouldn't have been surprised - certainly I'm not the only one to have ever felt this way while watching their children.  But I suppose that I've been doing it for so long that it just seems pretty casual to me.  I find it to be particularly calming and reassuring on those crazy days when Y seems to have one tantrum after another and Q just won't stop crying no matter what I do.  To watch them sleep somehow makes it all better.  It reassures me that I'm not the horrible mother that I sometimes feel like during the day and that I'm not completely ruining their lives (yes, believe it or not, sometimes I feel this way).

Happy 3rd Birthday!

On Sunday, Y turned 3 years old!!  She has been talking about her birthday for weeks now and in the days leading up to her birthday she kept asking, "is today my birthday?"  She was able to choose what she wanted to do, so on Saturday she and B went to the bounce house for several hours (I didn't wanna take Q because of the deafening music).  And when they came home, we all went out to dinner at Red Robin.  On Sunday, we went to church and I had bought cupcakes for her and her friends in nursery and that night we had cake and watched the videos that family members had made for her on her birthday. (Side note:  for much of the year Y has been making birthday videos for her grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents and so we thought it'd be cool if they made videos for her on her birthday.)  As gifts we gave her a Mrs. Potato Head (which she has been asking for for months) with over 40 interchangeable pieces as well as a Dora the Explorer bag which she can use to take her coloring books, crayons, and toys to church.  She also received a Dora paper doll book and the book Alligator Baby from Aunt J and Uncle R in Toronto.  A counting book with a CD of counting songs from Grandma G in Sarnia. And a Tinkerbell umbrella and matching backpack and a little cash from Grandma and PopPop in North Carolina.

At three Y is a smart, vibrant, curious, funny and fairly well-adjusted preschooler (she's no longer a toddler).  She loves to run, sing, dance, use her imagination, play in the pool and at the playground, she still loves to snuggle and she loves to talk and ask questions.  She is very observant of everything that goes on around her and she has one amazing memory.  Don't ever think you can tell her something and she not remember it.  She loves to be around other kids and will mimic whatever it is that they happen to be doing, regardless of their age.  She has found a love for all things Disney, especially princess and Tinkerbell movies, in fact she can frequently be heard singing or even re-enacting various scenes from Cinderella. When asked what she wants to be for Halloween she alternates between Tinkerbell and an astronaut.  She loves to touch and try to play with Baby Q and is very curious about her jerky movements.  She also can't wait for Q to get bigger so that she can really play with her.  Sometimes she tries to play with Q and gets a little too rough but she loves to hold her and take pictures with her.  One thing is for sure Q is going to have to be one tough cookie and will probably quickly learn to hold her own against her sister.  Y has had a bit of difficulty adjusting to Q being around but when we take her out one-on-one you can tell that she really appreciates having the alone time with either B or myself.  She always returns home excited to tell the other parent all about what she did while out. 



 I cannot even begin to put into words the unconditional love that I feel for my beautiful first-born child.  She brings so much joy to our lives whether it be in warm kisses and hugs, funny statements she makes, or bringing us something like a leaf from a tree while out on a walk.  I love to see how bright and wide her eyes get when she learns something new and the questions that she often asks amaze me at times.  I am often saddened at the idea of her growing up, in just 2 short years she will be starting kindergarten and it just makes me want to hold on to her tighter in hopes to slow time down.  But it also gives me the motivation to enjoy each moment with her, to take advantage of the time we have together.  She brightens our lives in so many ways and while there are many moments of frustration they seem pale in comparison to all the joy we have.  I love my little monkey!



Disney Fairies Cake, each  fairy has a ring and the box can store them all.

With it just being us and my mom this year, we opted for the 1/8 sheetcake and so there wasn't much room for writing and her name had to be written below.

The Dora bag we bought before we knew she was getting the bag seen below.



Blowing caution (and superstition) to the wind and playing with her umbrella indoors.  She's also wearing her backpack.  She had been begging us for months for a Mr./Mrs. Potato Head and wouldn't you know it was trumped by the umbrella.  That was apparently her favorite gift of all...who woulda thought?!?

Y holding Q on Y's big day!

Mother's Day 2011

I am so very grateful for mothers!  I have been blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful women that are such awesome examples of what motherhood should be.  I am not the perfect mother, any mother will tell you that there's really no such thing.  We all make mistakes and do just plain stupid things some time, but for the most part, we love our children and ultimately want the best for them. 

Motherhood is vastly different from what I thought it would be, I'm a very different mother than I ever thought I'd be.  Motherhood has made me a different person, a better person I hope.  I used to wonder what was happening to me when I realized my hopes and dreams were starting to change; all the things I had ever wanted in my life were all of a sudden so much less important.  Somewhere along the line I became less obsessed with having a large beautiful house, or the car of my dreams, or even having the job that would enable me to purchase those things.  And then I realized that it wasn't my dreams that had really changed, it was the value I placed in those dreams that changed.  Sure, someday I'd still love to have a big beautiful house and the car of my dreams but it's far less important to me than knowing that our child(ren) are mentally, physically and spiritually healthy.  Knowing that they know that they are one of the top priorities in my life, having an active role in their daily life, cheering them on whether they succeed or fail at anything, hugging and kissing them multiple times a day so that they know without a doubt just how much they are loved, and being able to be there when they need me and hopefully not having to brush them aside for whatever else happens to be going on at the moment.  Those are the things that really matter to me as a mom and those are the things that I have been able to witness the mothers in my life do.  I am nowhere near being the mother that I want to be but with so many positive examples of motherhood surrounding me, I know that sooner or later I will get there.

On a slightly different note, this Mother's Day (and Father's Day) we decided to give gifts to our parents but not to each other.  We have something planned at the end of the month that we are going to be spending the money on instead (more details on that later, for now it's top secret, and if you know the secret...don't let it slip!).  But I received lots of hugs and kisses and heard "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy" enough to leave me more than content with that.  We went to church, returned home and made phone calls or did video chats, had dinner, got lots of rest and enjoyed being together as a family.  I truly feel like the luckiest woman on the earth, well aside from the swollen feet, ankles and legs which I'm experiencing today, but even that couldn't ruin my day!

The beautiful bouquet of flowers and card Yanna made for me at church today!

 

She loves her mommy!



Happy Mother's Day to all women everywhere!  I hope your day was as amazing as mine!

Mother's Day

I am so very grateful to be a mother! I'm also grateful that we have a day to celebrate mothers and reflect on their invaluable influence on our life. Even though I only have one, beloved biological mom I have been blessed in my life to be mothered by many. I have so many amazing women in my life who have and continue to encourage me through their words, and more importantly their actions. I never imagined that I would enjoy, so thoroughly, being a mother or that I would find it to be so rewarding. More so than any career I could have pursued. The hugs and kisses I receive daily are worth more than any monetary amount I could ever receive. And no matter how frustrated I get because I cook something and she won't eat, and then I cook something else and she won't eat that either (you can see the pattern here) I marvel at her each night I get to put her to bed, and as I sneak in her room and watch her sleep that is when I realized how truly blessed that I am to have her AND to have the ability to be with her during the day and see her face light up each time she discovers something new or says a new word or sings a new song. I have the most PERFECT job in the world, I'm a mommy!!!

This Mother's Day was spend in Canada and it was a nice, relaxing mini vacation for me. All I really did was knit and relax. As for gifts I got an iPod dock alarm clock which was expected (I picked it out myself, haha) and a few pairs of earrings which were very unexpected (I LOVE my husband)! My mom recently purchased a gym membership so we gave her some workout clothes and a nifty water bottle so that she can remain hydrated. And for my mother-in-law, well she got what she requested. About 3 weeks ago she asked me if I could knit her "one of those short jackets that everyone wears these days" (those were her words). She was referring to a bolero or shrug as they are more popularly called, but I, being a novice knitter, told her that I couldn't do it because I had never knitted an actual garment before. But I must admit that I do love a challenge so I started looking at patterns and decided that I would make it after all. I am also in the process of knitting her a second one which will be her birthday present. I was slightly stressed about finishing it on time because the only time I have to knit is after we put Y to bed, so I spent many late nights knitting and I still wasn't able to finish it until 11:35pm, 25 minutes before Mother's Day ended! But alas it was done and I am really amazed by it, I still look at the pictures and am in awe of what I did and how fast I did it. I mentioned that it took me about 2½ weeks (give or take) to knit it but that was only working on it for 3-4 hours each night and some nights I didn't work on it at all. I estimate that it took me around 49-50 hours to complete which is pretty amazing considering the lace pattern on the sleeves and the stupid rib border. But anyway, here are the pictures!

On Monday we went and had lunch with one of B's really good friends that he grew up with who has returned to live in the area. Once we returned I put Y down for a nap and left to go out with Q (B's mom) to pick out a corsage for B's brother's prom date on Saturday. We took the long route home, making a few stops on the way and while we were in one store we found some sidewalk chalk. The previous day when Q had taken Y out for a walk Y walked up to a little girl who was playing with sidewalk chalk, picked up 2 pieces and began to walk away as if they belonged to her. And so, the idea of buying Y some sidewalk chalk was born. Here are some pictures of us having fun on the ground. You can see my portrait of their cat (of which I am not a fan) and Q's portrait of herself an P (B's dad). You can also see that Y did more drawing on her own face than she did on the ground...Enjoy!

No Clever Title Here!

It's been a really long time since my last post and I'm not really sure why. I haven't been doing anything exciting at all, in fact it's definitely been the least occupied I've been in a very long time. I suppose after the excitement of April and the first several days of May - having family visiting - my life has seemed pretty dull and I really haven't had much to post. But I have had a lot on my mind these days but I'll save that all for another post. We're all doing fairly well. I say fairly because at least one of us in the house is semi-sleep deprived. I should have known it was too good to be true when Y started sleeping through the night at 6 weeks. She's making up for it now, though most times it's just a matter of going in and giving her a pacifier. But there are a few nights when she wants mommy to pick her up and snuggle her for a little while before putting her back down. The constant sleep interruptions are very draining! Don't even get me started on nap time because that has become a battle as well! Other than those 2 issues, she's still as happy and loving as always.

B gets a 3-day weekend this week so we're heading for Canada after church on Sunday and will be there through Tuesday night. As for me, I need to find a hobby! Some days I get bored out of my mind and I find myself missing interacting with the outside world. We have been taking the opportunity to go out and enjoy this beautiful weather we've been having here. We will go to the park after dinner or just walk around the lake here together. Y loves being in her stroller and just looking at everything as it goes by. With any luck all of the outside air will help her sleep better! Speaking of which...I'd better go get some sleep before she wakes up for the first time of the night! ttyl

Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth

So a friend of mine sent me a forwarded email with a poem in it and I decided that I'd post it here to share. I really want to share it because it truly is exactly how I felt before I became a mom. Anyway, here it is:

Before I was a Mom,

I never tripped over toys

or forgot words to a lullaby.

I didn't worry whether or not

my plants were poisonous.

I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on.

Pooped on.

Chewed on.

Peed on.

I had complete control of my mind

and my thoughts.

I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held down a screaming child

so doctors could do tests.

Or give shots.

I never looked into teary eyes and cried.

I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.

I never sat up late hours at night

watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because

I didn't want to put them down.

I never felt my heart break into a million pieces

when I couldn't stop the hurt.

I never knew that something so small

could affect my life so much.

I never knew that I could love someone so much.

I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,

I didn't know the feeling of

having my heart outside my body.

I didn't know how special it could feel

to feed a hungry baby.

I didn't know that bond

between a mother and her child.

I didn't know that something so small

could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night

every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.

I had never known the warmth,

the joy,

the love,

the heartache,

the wonderment

or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,

before I was a Mom .

A Mother's Day Tribute

Some people are born with great examples of great mothers, some marry into families with a great mother and still some never experience the joy of wonderful mothers or mother figures. Luckily for me, that last group does not include me! I was fortunate enough to be born to a wonderful mother, with two living grandmothers and three living great-grand mothers. My paternal grandmother died 2 days before my fifth birthday and my great-grandmothers all lived well into my youth so I got to know them all pretty well before they died and for that I feel very fortunate. I am lucky enough to still have a happy and healthy mom and grandma and hopefully it will stay that way for many years to come. For most of my life I lived very close to my grandma and I absolutely loved it and honestly I feel sad that Y will not grow up closer to my mom but I will help them spend as much time as possible together getting to know each other so that they will share as strong a bond as I share with my grandma. My mom has always been a great source of strength to me, always encouraging me when I needed it (and even when I didn't think I needed it). But my good fortune does not stop there! I also am blessed to have a great mother-in-law with whom I get along great and who I know will also be a great example of motherhood and womanhood in general to our child(ren). Throughout my life I have had many moments of instability and unsurety but I have always found comfort from those mothers in my life. There has never been a question or request too big or too small for them to help solve or answer and I feel so blessed because of them. I also feel that because of their wonderful examples I will be able to be a better mom to my child(ren). So to all the mom's in my life, I say thanks for your great example of motherhood and happy mother's day!!! 143

Personal Reflections

I just finished wrapping Y's Easter gifts, all of which deal with Christ and as I looked at each one I began reflecting back on the past 15-16 months or so (from the time we got pregnant until now) and how different my life and my life's path have become. It's not an easy task being Mormon and I definitely won't sit here and say that I've always been a picture perfect one. And being the very imperfect being that I am makes me that much more grateful for the Atonement of Christ. I was once told two very important things and I never completely understood them until becoming a mother. The first was that as I went through the temple for the first time I would "receive understanding, light and knowledge and personal revelation as to your purposes here on earth and the true meaning of life and family." I can say that I did learn a lot that day but I'm not completely sure I learned that. The second thing was that my most choice blessing was to be a mother and that I will teach them the principles of the Gospel through my example and testimony as well as teaching them the commandments of their Heavenly Father. I guess that until I became a mother I never really saw it as being a blessing, I approached it more like it was a job. However, now, that I am a mother when I reflect back to those very important passages I realize that if I never succeed in teaching Y anything else, I must succeed in teaching her that her Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love her unconditionally. That is my life's purpose and as long as I can succeed in teaching her that then everything else will somehow work itself out. Now, that may sound like an easy task but coming from someone who has always struggled with feeling worthy of that unconditional love it can be a tough task. I will say this though, being a mother has brought me so much closer to Heavenly Father and Christ because it has taught me to seek help from Them much more often. Again, I am so very grateful for the Atonement of Christ, for His ultimate sacrifice, and for all the blessings that I have received because of it. Sometimes I feel as if this blog is not the best place for me to post my spiritual thoughts but maybe it should be. Happy Easter, everyone. 143!

Updates and Photos

On Thursday Y officially started her physical therapy and well, so far so good! We learned that she has great rotation and range of motion, however, we do need to work on stretching and strengthening the muscles on her left side. To do this they taught us an exercise to perform to stretch and another to strengthen. We do it each time that we change her diaper simply as a reminder to do the exercises. Luckily for us she doesn't mind doing them at all and even though we've only been doing it for a few days now it seems as if she is making some progress. We are supposed to go in for an appointment twice a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, until the problem is corrected and since she's not that severe of a case, hopefully that won't be for too long. She is now 10 weeks old and growing so fast. Sometimes I think back to the day she was born and I'm in awe by how fast it has all gone by and then I think ahead 18 years and think that at that point I'll still be sitting and thinking about how it all went by so fast. But for now I'm holding on to each day and just cherishing it for what it is. Babies change your entire perspective on life. Everything that I do now is done in consideration of how it could potentially affect her life and I am so much more cautious now than I used to be. I've even slowed down my driving speed, both when I'm driving with her and without her in the car, because I don't wanna increase the chance of something happening to me and thus causing me not to be able to be there for her like a mother should be. Granted that I can't control everything that happens, but I certainly can try to change the things that are within my control - so no more practicing for the Autobahn for me! I love that little girl sooooo much and it only increases with each smile that she gives me. It's also helped by the fact that she is sleeping through the night now. I mean, a couple weeks ago she started sleeping until 5am and that was great! Then she moved it to 5:30-5:45am and that was even better! But now, she lets mommy sleep until 7am, I'm in heaven!!! It allows for nights like this when I know I should go to bed but then I think to myself, "Hey, she'll sleep in until 7." I'm lovin' this and to top it all off, on Saturday she woke up at 7am, I fed her, she went back to sleep and I put her back in her crib anticipating that she would only sleep another hour of two (if that) but to my pleasant surprise she slept until about 11:15am. I actually had to go in and check on her to make sure she was alright. So things are going great and I finally feel like I am settling in to motherhood. It is such a drastic change, more so than I could have ever imagined and I realize now that this is nothing that I could have planned for. Yes we planned to have a baby, but I never ever could have planned or predicted the way it would change our lives and the things that you want out of life. I want to be better than what I am because I want to be better for her. Now I only need to remember all these feelings in the future when she begins to talk back to me and I begin to lose my temper, haha. So when that time comes, please send me back and tell me to read this post, I'll need the refresher I'm sure. But long story short - I LOVE being Y's mommy!

Anyway, enjoy the pictures:

I hate snow, even in small amounts!

After we finished her stretching exercises.

Look at how thick those thighs are getting! Breast milk...it does a body good! But then again with the amount that she kicks those legs they probably won't stay that way for too long!

Brandon was gone grocery shopping so Yanna & I started snapping pictures, as best we could with only one hand.

In one word...BREATHTAKING!! My baby's gorgeous and even she knows it!

Read the bib, not the face!

My two favorite people in the whole wide world, I really couldn't ask for a better life!

Soliciting Thoughts and Advice

It's been hitting me lately that I'm not only going to be a mother soon but I'm going to be a mother to a little girl. This scares me! Not only because I wonder if I'll be a good mother or if I'll teach her all the right things but more so because of all those outside, worldly influences. It was hard to be a girl when I was growing up and it's even harder now.

So my question for you and the advice/opinions I seek is concerning what you think is/are the most important things that you feel a mother should teach her daughter.

I've been thinking about this for a while and a situation I experienced helped me form a conclusion. I think the most important thing to teach a daughter is to love and accept herself no matter what those around her say/think/do. I mean, for the most part, parents think that their kids are beautiful no matter what. But it is so important to help our kids know and understand that.

I'll share with you the experience I was witness to that really broke my heart. There were these two females, one was 8 years old and the other was old enough to know better. Well the older of the two began to criticize the 8 year old girl's eyebrows. She told her they were funny looking and that she should do something about them. Well, we initially thought that this little girl just ignored her until days later when someone noticed that there was a patch cut out of this little girls eyebrow. When we asked her what happened she just started to cry, at first we assumed it was because she thought she'd get into trouble, but even after guaranteeing her that she would not be punished and that we just wanted to know what happened, she still continued to cry. I then remembered what had been said to her about her eyebrows and after prodding and asking if that was why she had tried to "fix" them she finally admitted what she had done and why she had done it. The hurt in her eyes as she continued to cry was heartbreaking. It was at that moment I realized that I will have a beautiful little girl and despite how perfect I think she is, there will always be someone somewhere that will find someway or something to make her feel inferior. It is truly heartbreaking.

So now you know what I think, please share with me what you think. It could be anything, I'm really just curious and kind of seeking to start a discussion. Although mostly women read this blog I welcome responses from those few males that read it too. I look forward to hearing your thoughts and opinions.

I Never Thought I'd Say This

So for those of you who are reading this and are not quite familiar with our church (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) and how we do certain things, I'll give you a little more information. For all others please just bear with me.

So members of our church are given callings which are ways that we provide service within the church, all of these callings are voluntary and we receive no pay for them. Well not long after we moved into our current ward, probably about 6 months after, we were called to serve in the nursery. Well in our ward there were so many kids at this time that they divided the nurseries into Junior Nursery and Senior Nursery, we were put in charge of Junior Nursery which starts at 18 months. Now I was very fortunate in that I was in there along with B who has always been much better and much more patient with children than I. I remember when they asked us to accept the calling I was none to happy with it and was extremely apprehensive about it but I knew I would be doing it with B so I accepted. On any given week we had between 10 and 14 children which we watched for 2 long hours. After a while the kids and the calling grew on me and by the time we were released and called to other callings I found myself a little sad.

So you're probably asking, what is this post all about? Well I have found that as I am preparing to welcome our own little child into the world, I am extremely grateful for the time I spent in that calling. I learned a lot of patience and I even found that as I visit my home in North Carolina that I am much slower to anger with my nieces and nephews (and trust me, that's no small feat). Now don't get me wrong, there are still some children that work my nerves like nothing else. But my patience and love for kids has increased at least tenfold if not more. So even though I never thought I'd say this, I must admit that I am grateful for the time I spent in nursery working with those kids.

The Great Debate

Ok, so I am of the opinion that everyone has at least one Great Debate in their own personal lives. I like to think that I've had several but my current debate is one that I have had for many years.

Some women are born to be mothers, they know that it is what they wanna do more than anything else in life. I was never one of those girls. Honestly, I was never the girl to have a lot of dolls (unless it was Heman and Sheera) I really preferred playing with toy cars and GI Joe men with my brother. I can also honestly say that I've never really been much of a nurturer either, I never had a babysitting job, I never wanted to be around children. It wasn't that I didn't like children, I just had a really hard time relating to them and wanting to spend time with them. Over the years somethings have changed and something haven't changed. Which gets me to my great debate. In order to help you understand my plight, I'll share a little story with you.

After I had completed my freshman year at Virginia Tech, I returned home for the summer and my nephew and niece (twins) were born prematurely. My brother already had a 10 month old daughter and now he had premature twins as well. I should mention that he was a single father. So due to that and other circumstances I spent the next year at home helping my family. Well it ended up working out that we divided the babies amongst the members of the household. My parents took primary responsibility for the 10 month old, I took the twin boy and my brother took the twin girl. Now we were all in the same household so when I say "took" I mean that we took responsibility for that child. So my nephew slept in my room, I bathed him, fed him, changed him, etc. basically it was like adopting a baby or at least that's what it felt like to me at the time. Needless to say, I grew so attached to him and still to this day I feel a stronger bond to him than with my other nieces and nephews. But after a while I began to feel trapped, I wanted out. I loved him but I no longer wanted to stay home with him all the time, I began to resent the limitations that I felt. I did not want to stay at home all day with him any more. So I went out and got a job and the resentment disappeared, I was happy again.

Now I've told this story to many people before when I express my concern of being a Stay-At-Home-Mom (SAHM) and I usually get the reply, "It'll be different when you have your own kids." I suppose to an extent they might be right. I mean at that point I was 18 & 19, this is 8 years later, so naturally some things have changed. But some things have not changed. Everyone used to tell me that when I had my own that I would want to be at home with them, but here I am 24½ weeks pregnant and I still do not have that desire. For many reasons, the guilt that I felt for not having that desire lead me to decide that I didn't want to have kids. But in reality, I did want children, I still want children and I can't really say that I feel guilty anymore for not wanting to be a SAHM. Sometimes I ask myself if I'm being selfish and sometimes I say "yes" and other times I say "no." I mean, realistically, with the amount that I have in student loans I'll probably have to work in order to pay them off. So in that aspect I don't feel selfish. I mean we're really fortunate that my student loans are really the only debt that we have currently. But I also know that I don't wanna spend the next 10+ years of my life paying them off with a minimum balance when if I work they could be paid off a lot faster (I'm a finance major, crunching numbers is what I do). I just don't want to make a decision and then end up hating the decision I made and resenting myself and/or my family for that decision. I need to feel challenged, stimulated and as wonderful as children are they just don't do that for me. I am surrounded by so many women who in my opinion have perfected the art of motherhood, and I look at them in awe, but I also look at them and say to myself that there is no way I wanna do that day in and day out.

So anyway, this is my own personal Great Debate and most people seem to have a very strong opinion on the subject one way or another. And honestly, I don't mind listening to people's opinions (so feel free to share) but don't get upset if I don't agree with it or take advice that you may offer. Luckily for me, I guess I have another year before I have to make any major decisions since I'll be in night classes for the next little while and Brandon will be home with her at that time. Like I said before, this has weighed on my mind for many many years, probably since I first joined the church, and honestly it'll probably continue to weigh on my mind but I thought I'd throw it out there to see what others thought. My only request is that you please not tell me, "It'll be different with your own kids" because as I said before I am only a few months from having a kid and it still hasn't changed my mind. I guess I need more sound advice than that at this point. Anyway, it's late and I'm tired so until next time...