An Awesome Visit!

Yesterday I had my second visit with my OBGYN and I left that doctor's office feeling better than I've ever left it!  If there is any such thing as a perfect visit, this would have been it!  Oddly, I wasn't nervous or anxious at all before my appointment and boy did it show when they took my blood pressure, 119/79!!!  He also thought that my blood sugar levels looked great, with the exception of some which were taken after dinner, but overall he was extremely happy with what he was seeing.  Our little one had a strong heartbeat and Dr. L. didn't even have to search for it.  He placed the monitor on my lower abdomen and BAM there was the heartbeat!

He was so impressed by my blood sugar levels and blood pressure that he said he doesn't need to see me for another 4 weeks.  I know this is typical for most pregnant women at this stage of pregnancy but you have to remember, I was diagnosed a gestational diabetic and chronic hypertensive with Y by the time I was 12 weeks.  At which time I began having 2 week visits and my weekly visits began at 30 weeks.  So it's a big deal to me to hear that I am good for another 4 weeks. 

Obviously we'll take it one visit at a time but for now I feel like I'm floating on a cloud!  Now if only all the visits could be just like this one!

A BIG, Big Girl Bed

As of now Y sleeps in the crib which has been converted to a toddler bed.  However, with the arrival of a little one this summer the need arose to buy her a new bed because her current bed will revert to being a crib again.  Fortunately, B and myself both agree that buying a separate toddler bed is a complete waste of money especially since you know they will eventually outgrow it.  So we knew we were in the market for a twin sized bed but wanted to find one we liked at a price we loved!  The idea was presented to us that we could just buy a mattress for her and place it on the floor but that idea didn't sit well with me.  I don't imagine Y being very excited when she's told that she gets a new BIG girl bed and then being directed to a mattress on the floor while there's new baby who gets what used to be her nice comfy crib/bed.  That's just how I imagine it but I could be totally wrong, maybe she would absolutely love sleeping on a mattress on the floor seeing as she did that for several weeks (sans mattress) after our return from being away at Christmas.  But whatever the case may end up being, a mattress on the floor was not the least bit appealing to me aesthetically. 

So even though we are months away from actually even setting up the bed (I'm thinking June) we couldn't pass up the deal.  Now I can't wait to go pick out a cute comforter and sheet sets for it.  The one in the picture is not cute at all, maybe because it screams BOY.  Right now I am debating whether I should stick with the polka dot theme or just head in another direction.  I guess we'll just have to wait and see what's out there.  Hopefully by June Y will be more interested in helping me pick out her new comforter and sheets, but somehow, I'm still not banking on that!

Contrary to the appearance in the picture has a cherry finish which is "darker" than the typicaly cherry finish so it should blend with the current furniture quite nicely!

The Good and The Bad

I honestly feel like lately I have been a bit whiny.  I'm actually beginning to annoy myself, but it still doesn't stop me from doing even more whining.   But today, in this post at least, I plan on keeping my whining to a minimum. 

The Good:

• I have made it past the dreaded 11 week, 5 days mark which I wrote about it this post.
• I am only a couple weeks from the completion of the first trimester.
• I am beginning to notice a big difference in how my clothes fit, it's much sooner this time though since I haven't been pregnant for 3 years it could just be my memory which is wrong on this matter.
• My blood sugar levels are looking really good, in my opinion at least!
• I'm still sleeping well at night, probably because I haven't yet lost the ability to sleep on my stomach!!!
• I have a super-dee-dooper husband who doesn't mind my whining and complaining (most days) and picks up where I slack off at.

The Bad:

• Heartburn is setting in and it's hitting hard!  Even milk is beginning to lose it's effectiveness which definitely didn't happen until much later when pregnant with Y.
• I still find it hard to find a lot of energy to do things like clean.  Someone suggested that I limit myself to one cleaning task a day instead of feeling as if I need to accomplish it all in a day, I like that idea.
• I feel really faint when I don't eat but at the same time there isn't much that I want to eat.  Typically I end up settling for whatever is quick and available and then end up enjoying it.
• It is FREEZING here in Michigan at the moment, stepping outside in the broad daylight is still unbearable!

Tick...Tock...Tick...Tock...

You see that little ticker to the right, you know the one with the baby floating in it that tells you how far along I am in my pregnancy?  Well right now it says, "11 weeks 2 days."  I can't help but stare at it and say to myself, "really?"  I still don't look pregnant but in my mind I feel like I've been pregnant for the last 6 months or something.  Time is drifting by so very slowly and I can't help but think about all those people who told me that the second pregnancy would go by so much faster than the first.  And to all those people I say:  you are bloody stinkin' LIARS!!!!  You got my hopes up only to have my dreams shattered.  I feel like this will never end.  No I'm not sick and I haven't had any signs of morning sickness so maybe I have little to complain about but I am really really really tired of this semi-constant state of hunger in which I am always finding myself in these days.  I am sick of this feeling of exhaustion which oddly has nothing to do with sleep but is more of a feeling of being zapped of all energy - lethargic is the word!

I try to uplift myself by going back into my blog archive and reminding myself that I wrote a post very similar to the one I'm writing at this very moment last time around, but it does little to comfort me.  I dunno, I guess part of me at least wants to have something to show for all these feelings I'm feeling.  Like a round belly to remind me that there's someone growing in there.  Or to feel those cute little kicks and nudges of the little one saying, "hi mommy."  But so far, nothing.  I haven't even outgrown any of my clothes yet, though I can tell it is coming, especially after dinner.  Oh well, complaining doesn't do any good but it sure does feel good to rant a little.  By the way, I'm adding a poll to the blog now.  Tell me what you think:  boy or girl?

Playing Dress Up

So lately Y has really been into dressing up.  Although she does ask to wear her Abby Cadabby costume more often now, mostly she just wants to put on layers upon layers of pajamas.  I have declared Tuesdays to be Pajama Day in our household, well for Y and myself at least.  B has to work so doesn't really have the option.  But it turns out she still wants to wear her summer pajamas on top of her already warm winter pajamas.  She also likes to put all of her swimming stuff on top of her clothes, and by all I mean the top and bottom of her swimsuit, the coverup that I knitted for her to wear on top of it, as well as wearing the floaties on her arms.  Here are some pictures which I find absolutely adorable!  Enjoy

Checking her temperature, heart rate and blood pressure all at once with the Dr. kit that Santa brought her.  She's also wearing 4 pair of pajamas in this picture.



I guess it's time to check her ears now, not sure how she can do it all on her own.  She's a multi-tasker!

Now she has moved on to add a hat and 2 pairs of gloves to the mix.  And I guess she wants to help Mommy clean too!

For some reason I find myself thinking of a bag lady when I see this picture.

She found another pajama top, now she just looks like the Incredible Hulk or maybe just a football player with lots of pads on.

I guess I figured out what she was doing in my closet for so long this morning.  Apparently she decided to remove her pajamas and wear just this instead.  So much for pajama day!

She can actually walk and stand really well in these boots but if she ever sits down on the floor it is absolutely hilarious watching her try to stand up with them on.  I was seriously entertained for at least 20 minutes as she tried every way possible to stand up in them.

Pins and Needles

I have always been really good at remembering dates and numbers, when they are significant to me.  I add the significant part because it generally has to be something important to me for it to stick.  For example, before the days when absolutely everyone had a cellphone I was the person my friends called when they wanted to know another friend's number or birthday.  Since I've had a cellphone I honestly cannot tell you the last phone number I have memorized, heck, I can't even remember B's cellphone number majority of the time.  Also, don't ask me about historical dates either, because chances are, I will have absolutely no clue.  My father-in-law loves to quiz me, and anyone else present, about "famous" war dates or significant dates in history but the truth of the matter is the only historic date that sticks out to me is June 19, 1865 - the day when slaves were literally freed from slavery.  I say "literally" because even though the Emancipation Proclamation came years prior, it apparently meant very little because it was 2½ years later when they were actually freed.  Now that we're done with the history lesson I guess I should say that honestly I'm not sure why that date is the one historical date I can remember.  Maybe it's because without it I'd be picking cotton on some one's plantation right now.  Okay, maybe not, I have a little more faith in mankind than that - a little more. 

But really I'm kind of just rambling but doing so to make a point, I have a way of manipulating numbers in my mind if I feel they are important to me.  That manipulation can work for me or against me at times and right now it's really working against me.  For the last couple weeks I have been focused on a single day of my pregnancy.  That day is Sunday, January 23rd.  I will be 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant.  The last time I was 11 weeks and five days pregnant was February 22, 2008 and I have stressed my way through that day every year since, and probably will continue to do so.  Some of you probably remember reading about it, I wrote about it in this post.  I was bleeding, I was scared and I was an emotional wreck.  They ran tons of tests and everything checked out fine but not a single person was able to give me a definitive reason as to what would cause me to bleed that much.  I didn't find their speculations very reassuring or comforting at all, and honestly, I still don't find one bit of comfort in any of it.

About a year or so ago a friend was asking me about it and she mentioned that a mutual acquaintance has had the same thing happen to her in every one of her pregnancies (she has 5 kids).  I found this slightly comforting but also slightly disturbing.  Comforting because it has happened to her with every pregnancy and she has always gone on to deliver healthy babies.  Disturbing because I remember how I felt that day and can not imagine going through it all over again.  And so I find myself stressing over a single day when the reality is it might not happen at all, or, it might happen when I'm 11 weeks 6 days or 13 weeks or any other day of my pregnancy.  I frustrate myself just thinking about it.  And so I sit on pins and needles waiting for a day to come that may or may not come at all let alone when I am anticipating it. Everyone says, "every pregnancy is different" and I know that this is true to an extent, but I'm finding little comfort in that right now.  *Sigh*


As for other pregnancy related news, there's really not much to tell except that I am in the middle of doing a 24-hour Urinalysis.  They'll be testing my urine for protein, if they find more than expected it may be a sign of preeclampsia.  I also did this while pregnant with Y though it was much later in the pregnancy so he only felt the need to do one.  I have a feeling he'll have me doing these much more often this time around.  I am very displeased with this idea!  I hate doing it and I really hate having a gallon-sized container of urine in my refrigerator!  B suggested that I just keep it in the garage.  This wouldn't be such a horrible idea if we had a bathroom anywhere near our garage but as things stand running through the house and downstairs to the garage every time I have to go potty is not appealing to me at all.  Also, it is not simple to explain to a 2 year old, whom you're about to try to potty train, why Mommy is peeing in a cup and pouring it into a big orange jug and then placing said jug into the refrigerator.

Happy Blogoversary!!

January 5, 2008 at 10:40PM I published my first blog post!  Three years and 339 posts later and I'm still writing.  My motivation for starting a blog was so that our friends and family members could follow us through our first pregnancy - it was easier than making tons of phone calls each time there was a new development.  After Y's birth it slightly evolved and included pictures of her growth each month, milestones as well as our own struggles with parenthood and life in general.  Our blog really still serves the same purpose as it always has, to keep those closest to us informed about our journey through life, but now we have a few readers who we don't know at all (yes, I stalk my own blog and keep tabs of who visits and when). 

I didn't set out to be one of those blogs that attracts a ton of readers based on my witty personality, or super creative word play.  And I guess that's a good thing because had that have been my goal I would have failed miserably!  But for those of you who I do not know personally or drop in from a friend's blog, thanks for stopping by.  I hope I don't bore you too much but if I do, I guess you should reread the first two sentences of this paragraph. 

So much has changed for us in the past 3 years and I can only scarcely take it all in.  We are blessed.  We have had our every need met, now that's not to say that we haven't struggled.  We have.  And it's also not to say that we have everything that we want.  We don't.  But we have transportation, employment, our own home, food, a healthy little girl, and another precious angel on the way.  Sure, there's more that we could ask for, and we do ask for it often.  There is nothing wrong with asking, that is what prayer is for, right?  But we try not to complain if the answer to a certain request is either "no" or "not yet" because we truly know how blessed we are.

I've been told a time or two (or three) since starting this blog that I should become a writer of some kind one day.  And well, the truth of the matter is that I hate writing and my grammar sucks (though a really good editor could solve that problem).  So the truth is, that aside from writing my own thoughts and ramblings on this blog I really, really, really hate to write.  The only way I could be a writer of any kind is if I could truly say whatever was on my mind and say it how I wanted to say it without having to be a slave to a deadline.  And realistically, I can't name a single job of any kind that would allow that.  So for now I'll just keep writing here on our blog which has become more of a journal for me.

Thanks for coming along with us on our journey!

Introducing Baby #2!

To say today was stressful and tense for me would be a huge understatement.  I dunno why I put myself through this, though I assure you it is not intentional.  The day started off great but the closer we got to 3:30pm (the time of my appointment) the more nervous and anxious I became.  And my entire digestive system goes insane whenever I get like that.

But the time finally arrived and when they took my blood pressure initially it was 147/100.  Fortunately she gave me some time to relax and calm myself down and then she took it again, this time it was much better, 121/80 which is much more normal.  We then went on to have an ultrasound and so my due date is officially August 9th and according to the doctor everything looks great.

As far as I go, he gave me some news that I was partially excited about.  I don't have to suffer through all the tests to diagnose me as a Gestational Diabetic.  We agreed to just have him treat me as if I am a diabetic, partly because he believes I'm pre-diabetic.  So yeah, I'm only partially excited about not needing all those tests.  I could tell it was really a decision that he really struggled with because he really isn't sure what I should be "labeled" as.  I'm not yet diabetic but at the same time he would rather err on the side of caution.  My next appointment is Jan. 25th, I'll be 12 weeks.

He also asked about my desire to have a VBAC or C-Section, even before I was able to ask him the same question.  We had a fairly candid conversation about it and I honestly left with more to consider than when I sent in.  I asked his opinion on the statistics concerning induction and C-Sections and he explained to me that those stats really didn't apply in my case because I did actually labor.  Apparently those stats are in relation to women who are induced but never actually go into active labor and then end up having a C-Section.  He explained that my issue was more that I was in labor but likely because of a "narrow pelvis" I was unable to deliver an almost 9lb. baby.  So now I have started doing more research on this whole narrow pelvis concept and from what I've found so far, most women don't really buy that.  Now I have only just started researching it so I won't claim to have read  all that is out there on the subject but so far what I have read the recommendation is to go through labor without an epidural in order to allow more movement and the opportunity to try several birthing positions.  I'm not sure how I feel about the all natural labor, one thing I've always known is that I want the drugs!  So I guess if that truly is the case then I'll have to do some real soul searching in order to figure out which is more important to me.

On a different note I think that Y is more aware of the baby now that she was able to actually see it on the screen.  Now whenever we look at the ultrasound pictures she says, "baby in Mommy's belly."

Welcome 2011, Come On In

I am looking forward to all that 2011 holds!  I hope that it is another year filled with joy, fun and happiness.  I know, undoubtedly that it will also be filled with trials and sadness but generally I hope to focus more on the good than the bad.

2010 was a great year!  We set out with 2 goals in mind - buying our first home and getting pregnant - and we accomplished both.  Neither happened in the timeline that we had in mind but it goes to say that everything happens as it should, when it should.

So I've been asked, "What goals do you have for 2011?"  I think having a healthy, happy baby tops that list really.  In fact, it may be the only thing on the list as things stand right now.  I of course want to be a better wife and mother but that is a constant effort, one that I could definitely do better at though. 

We sincerely wish you a Happy New Year and hope you all enjoy a year filled with happiness and bliss.  But we also hope that as the tough times arrive that you will have the strength that you need to conquer them.  Hopefully this time next year, we'll all be able to smile in the face of our adversities and say "Veni, Vidi, Vici!"

My Current Inner Struggle: VBAC or C-Section

Ever since finding out we were pregnant I have had one subject nagging me constantly at the back of my brain:  Vaginal-Birth-After-Cesarean (VBAC) or C-Section.  I thought I had my mind made up, and I guess in many ways I still do, but the opposition is always knocking at my brain with all the possible what-if scenarios.  It can be extremely nerve-wrecking especially when I realize that I have another 7 months to deal with what is quickly becoming an inner-turmoil. 

When pregnant with Y I had a lot of preconceived notions about what my birth experience would be.  I decided (or thought I had decided) fairly early on that I would NOT be induced and I would NOT have a C-section.  I knew the statistics and I knew the risks and I wanted no part of it, and that was that.  Well up until I was 37½ weeks pregnant, sick of being pregnant, and had an Ultrasound Tech tell me that I was carrying a 9lb. (+/- 1lb.) baby inside me.  That is when the tune changed and when the doctor said that unless my body started to labor on its own then he would induce me in 1½ weeks I was all over it.  Well, sort of.  I still really didn't want to be medically induced so I set out to do what I could to induce labor on my own (obviously none of it worked) but I was excited that there was a definite end in sight.

As most of you know, my body didn't cooperate with me and we drove to the hospital around 6:30am on a Wednesday morning and after checking all my vitals and setting everything up I had a pitocin drip by 7am.  As I look back I realize how naive I was.  I just knew that I would be holding my dear sweet little girl in only a few hours, I actually figured it'd be no later than 8pm - 13 hours was plenty of time, right?  I mean I was already 3cm when I got there, how long could 7 more centimeters take?  HA!  I didn't even reach 4cm until 12:45pm.  Anyway, I won't bore you with the entire, drawn out story but I will say that when I finally got the go ahead to begin pushing at 12:00am I was still only 9¾cm.  After pushing for 2½ hours she was still only at a -2 station.  At 2:30am the option of C-Section was presented and even though the likelihood of a 3rd or even 4th degree tear was presented, it was still an extremely hard decision for me.  By 2:45am I had caved and once again changed my tune, I was being prepped for surgery.  Between the time that I was pushed into the OR and hearing the time called out at 3:49am I don't remember much aside from being colder than I had ever been in my entire life - that is no exaggeration!  B said I snored through the entire operation, but really, can you blame me?

I have no regrets regarding the outcome of my labor story, I got a healthy and happy little girl.  But I have realized that I regret not taking more of a stand or asking more questions.  I've told B that this time around I REFUSE to be induced - easy to say when you're 8 weeks and not 38 weeks, but this time I feel as if I have a new resolve.  I don't believe that my body was ready for labor when I was induced and I think the end result of a C-Section was a direct result of that.  Now I am not, by any means, anti-C-Section.  I healed extremely well and extremely quickly, though I've nothing else to compare it to.  But I often find myself running through all the what-ifs that can occur anytime you make an important decision, you sometimes find yourself wondering what would have happened had you made the opposite choice.

And so I replay all this over and over again in my head as I research all the Pros and Cons of VBACs and C-Sections and I realize that the hardest part of it is the unknown.  No two labors are alike so I really have no clue what to expect.  I may end up with a much smaller baby, I may go into labor on my own at 38 weeks or so, the possibilities are endless and the reality is that those possibilities could either be positive or negative. 

I consider myself one of the lucky ones: I have a hospital that allows VBACs, I have a doctor who is willing to perform a VBAC and I have health insurance that covers a VBAC and with those three things half the battle is already won.  I have made a few decisions regarding this pregnancy though.  I will not, under any circumstances, plan now to have a C-Section, there will be no scheduled dates or even the discussion of one.  It's not even on my radar until at least 36 weeks.  I will be much more firm in my decisions this time around, it's my body and ultimately the decision is mine.  I will not refuse to have a C-Section if I absolutely feel it is necessary but at the same time I totally plan on doing a TOL (Trial of Labor).  I will continue to do research and know all of the pros and cons of VBACs and C-Section and I will not allow the opinions of others to corrupt my own opinions on the matter.  I will definitely be seeking out information and advice from those who have had successful VBACs.  I will be having several frank conversations with my doctor between now and then on increasing my chances of having a successful VBAC.

Just thinking about this subject can really bring tears to my eyes.  It is really becoming an emotional topic for me, I guess I'll blame it on the hormones.  I know that there is a lot riding on the outcome:  I know that with each C-Section the uterine wall becomes more and more fragile and that with each subsequent pregnancy the risk becomes greater.  I guess that is why I am putting so much pressure on myself.  We know that we either want 3 or 4 children but if they have to be delivered via C-Section (and having 2 C-Sections and 0 Vaginal births almost guarantees that) I can honestly say I wouldn't feel comfortable having any more than three.  And as I said, 3 may end up being all we really want to have but I don't want this debate to dictate that.  I'm a worrier by nature and so all the risks involved do intimidate me to some degree.  I guess I need to learn to rely more upon the comfort that Heavenly Father can provide over my own means of comfort.  "Let go and let God" as my mom and grandma used to say.