The Results Are In...

So for those of you familiar with Gestational Diabetes you know that six weeks or so after a gestational diabetic delivers the baby they have to have another screening for diabetes. Well I went in for the test on Saturday, October 18th. It was a pretty stressful day because I cannot tell you how badly I didn't wanna have to deal with diabetes. Well yesterday I received the results and I'M DIABETES FREE!!!! I was soooo happy. Some might not really understand why I was so happy about it. I mean, very rarely does it not go away after the pregnancy. Well in my case, the doctor was pretty certain that I would have diabetes. Most people aren't diagnosed until 24-28 weeks of pregnancy, they typically don't even do the tests before that point. Well due to my lovely family history my doctor decided to test me early and I was diagnosed at 12 weeks. So it's kind of a big deal to me that I don't have it because I really went through my whole pregnancy thinking that I had it for sure.

Every year on our anniversary we take a picture to add to our wedding album, this is this year's picture.

So this definitely isn't the most flattering picture of me but it's pretty funny. Yanna can latch on to my top lip and she does it quite often when she's hungry. It's a mobile pacifier and it keeps her quiet until I can feed her!

She loves her bouncy chair (but not as much as she loves her swing)!

Time Flies

They say time flies when you're having fun! Well it's true because I've had the best 3 years of my life married to B! Yep, today is our 3 year anniversary! That's short compared to most of you but a milestone for us nonetheless. Especially for me! I mean 6 or 7 years ago, had you asked me, I would have told you I wasn't getting married and I definitely wasn't having kids! So if you've learned anything about me it should be that what I say is worth a grain of salt! Because this awesome guy came along and convinced me to marry him. And to top it all off he convinced me to have a baby too! The power of persuasion!!!

All jokes aside, I can honestly say that I have had the best three years of my life married to B and this year it takes on a whole new meaning as I sit here holding our daughter. If I can be blunt and honest then I must admit that growing up I had a pretty crappy impression of marriage. Though I love my parents and I know they love each other, it was not exactly a great depiction of what a marriage should be. Honestly, none of the relationships that I witnessed as a child were really "healthy" relationships. It wasn't until I joined the church that I really started to see what marriage could be. But I didn't think that was possible for me so instead of risking it I just said I'd spend my life single. And then along came B, convincing me that not only were there loving, gentle and kind guys out there but also that I was worthy of one of those guys. I don't think we have a perfect marriage, I don't even think the perfect marriage exists. But I do know that I will do everything in my power to assure Y (and her unborn siblings) that marriage is a wonderful blessing when it's with the right person. And I want to teach her (them) this by action and not words. I dunno what I did to deserve him, but Heavenly Father sent me the greatest gift I could have asked for and every day that I awake and see him laying next to me I am even more grateful. I love you, BPF and I'm welcoming eternity with open arms thanks to you!!!

Updates

So I figured that an update is far overdue. The last time I posted I was telling you all about being able to breastfeed again because she gained the 6oz in 2 days and that we would go back in a week to reassess things. Well that week was up on Friday and she gained 14oz in a week when eating mostly breast milk. That brings her to 11 lbs even! As for me, I'm doing really well. I had my 6 week checkup on Wednesday and seem to be in great shape. I just have to go to see my PCP (primary care physician) to have a hypertension screening and wait for the results from my diabetes test (they always do that for gestational diabetics to make sure it's not still hanging around after the pregnancy). I still find that I really miss being pregnant. I told my mom that I wish I could be pregnant all the time, but I don't want to have a newborn at the end every time. I guess the perfect solution would be to become a surrogate mom, the only problem with that would be that I would be wwwwwaaaaayyyyy too attached to the baby to every give him/her away. I just really miss feeling the movement in there and all that stuff, but I guess it'll just make me appreciate it all the more next time. (And don't think I'm in any rush to get to next time...that's not the message I'm trying to convey! It'll definitely be a couple of years between Y and her next sibling, unless of course there is some "accident"). Anyway, it's late and sleep is very valuable these days, so I'll just leave you with some pictures!

Yippee

Sorry for the delay in posting this message but it's been a little busy for me. I know a lot of you are probably checking to find out what happened on Friday when we went to the doctor, so I'm here to keep you informed. Well I'll just say that first and foremost I just want my baby to be healthy and was willing to do almost anything to do that. I will say almost because I was not willing to give up breastfeeding completely. But as it turns out I don't have to give it up at all!!! The doctor wanted me to feed her strictly formula for two days so that he could make sure that she wasn't having a problem gaining weight. As it turns out she gained 6oz in two days AND the doctor wants me to resume breastfeeding. So we're relieved that there's nothing wrong with our baby and that I can continue to breastfeed. We do go back again on Friday to check her weight and see how she's progressing, but for now, we're on cloud nine.

...And I Thought We Were Doing So Well

It's just after 3am and I know I should be in bed, but I guess I am really just a bit down right now. I just fed Y and as I picked her up out of her bassinet and prepared to feed her, she was of course turning her head towards the breast and I had to stick a bottle in her mouth. It really sucks and is proving to be really hard. The doctor told me, "It's nothing that you're doing" and "not to feel guilty." But it's hard not to feel like it's something I'm doing wrong and it's really impossible to "not feel guilty." I guess I should tell you why I'm not breastfeeding, huh? (That may be a good idea). Well today we went to the pediatrician to check Y's weight since I felt so uneasy about it last visit. I went in thinking that she would be fine, I mean we've made so much progress. I read Babywise and Baby Whisperer, we were making progress with the E.A.S.Y routine (still working on the S so I haven't really gotten much of the Y yet), she was eating every 2.5 to 3 hours. I was so excited and so sure that everything was fine...and then the nurse walks in and weighs her and we find that she's only gained 3 oz in 2 weeks when she should gain approximately an ounce a day. At this point the doctor is not sure if it is just her or if it is a problem with my milk (not enough caloric content or she's not getting enough hindmilk). It's funny, I never really thought I'd be so bothered by not being able to breastfeed but now that I'm experiencing it I absolutely hate not being able to do it. It was my time with her, and it really ticks me off that I made it through all the snack feeds and the terribly sore nipples and all the tears that came along with all it only to reach this point. It may only be that I have to do this for 2 days (she goes back to the Dr on Friday to be reassessed) but that just seems to be so far away at this point. I've received advice from friends to either continue to supplement or to ignore the doctor completely, I'm seriously torn at this point as to what to do. I mean, she's had bottles before. The upsetting part is that I've never had to be the one to give it to her. Either B or my mom would give her the bottle, I only ever did it twice and that was when my nipples were unbearably sore. I've called my lactation consultant to ask her opinion but she's not in again until Friday, so it looks like either way I won't know anything until then...hopefully the scale was just broken! Well I'm going to bed now, but at least I got some pumping done while typing this, if I can't use it for Yanna then maybe I'll sell it. I hear the going rate is $7 an ounce! Here's some pictures, enjoy!

Daddy Time

Mommy Time

Baby Time (She is so freakin' beautiful!)

Just Relaxing...

Too cute...just had to share! I swear this girl is growing an inch a day!

Saying Goodbye to Grandma

So reality is really about to set in now that my mommy is gone. I am going to miss her so much, I don't think I could have done these past few weeks without her help. She was a lifesaver and a huge reassurance. It was sad to say goodbye today at the airport but Christmas will be here before we know it and we'll get to see each other again. I will say this though, saying goodbye is a whole different ball game when a grandchild is involved! Here are some pictures of Mom and Y before we left for the airport.

Y's Blessing

On Sunday we had Y blessed and were really happy to have so much of our family to and share the day with us. Here are some pictures from that day.

Gladys (Great Grandma)

Paul & Queta (Grandparents)

Aunt Janice & Uncle Rick

Relief

Okay, so I am ever slowly growing more confident in my ability to breastfeed. After taking Yanna to her appointment with her pediatrician and talking with a few friends who offered advice I must say that I feel much better about it. I was very worried and extremely distraught at the thought of not being able to provide the amount of food she needed. However, after going to see her doctor and talking to him about it he explained to me that she is now 9lbs 9oz which would mean that she is gaining an ounce a day which is exactly where she should be. Apparently that's a sign that she is indeed getting enough to eat. He said that as far as her always wanting to be at the breast is probably just a comfort thing and then he told me how to tell if she's eating or just treating me as her personal pacifier. Since the visit I think we've been doing fairly well with it and somehow, by no real effort on my behalf, she takes each side for about 20 minutes and then she's done. And we do this only every 2 hours now!!! I guess typically it should be every 2.5 hours, but hey, I'm happy with whatever I can get at this point. Eventually we will be able to stretch it out to 2.5 hours but for now I'm satisfied. He also asked me about how much I am able to pump at one time and I told him between an ounce and 1.5oz so he explained that she's probably definitely getting enough because she can suck out 2 or 3 times that amount. I also found that very comforting. Since I was so worried and concerned we're gonna go back in 2 weeks and weigh her again to make sure she is still progressing as she should be.

Here is a picture from last weekend which I thought was cute...of Y at least, I could have been better. haha. Tomorrow we're having her blessed so we'll post more pictures from that later.

Frustrated and Happy Too!

So we've been parents for almost 3 weeks now, when does it start to get easier?!?! I've never really been the type to just up and quit something but I'm seriously considering quiting this breastfeeding stuff. I went to see the lactation consultant last week and she was great! We got all of the latching problems worked out and she really helped me to know that it was nothing that I was doing wrong and that I was correct when I thought that Y was not opening wide enough to latch on correctly and without causing me pain. So I left that meeting feeling great, really empowered but now I am just frustrated that I don't think I'm producing enough milk for my baby. She will suck for an hour or more and she still still be upset and cranky after which she will drink formula and be absolutely fine. I really don't know if it's milk supply or just a baby with a huge appetite, I really have no clue, but it is frustrating nonetheless. I will ask her pediatrician tomorrow and see what he thinks. I just get so sad and frustrated sometimes because all I really want is to be able to feed my baby and have that be enough. I don't want to have to give her formula, honestly I hate when she has a bottle of formula. But when faced with the decision of letting her have formula or having her crying because she didn't get enough, I think the decision is easy. I also read somewhere that maybe it has nothing to do with the amount she's eating and more that she just feels the need to be close to me or has a strong desire to suck. If it's the latter then you'd think she'd take a pacifier...she seems to hate the thing though. I really don't know and honestly I've been so emotional about it lately that I probably have some skewed perspective of whatever it is that is going on. Well since she goes to the doctor tomorrow I will try to find some time to post and update you guys on how she's doing.

As for how I'm doing...I've recovered pretty well. Last week when I went to my OB/GYN my blood pressure was better but still not great. Also last week when I went to the doctor we discovered that I had lost a total of 26 pounds since I had her (11lbs the first week and 15 pounds the second). Needless to say that I'm very happy about that and the fact that I've been in my smallest jeans for about a week and a half now! At least that can comfort me in my times of distressing about breastfeeding!