Frustrated and Happy Too!

So we've been parents for almost 3 weeks now, when does it start to get easier?!?! I've never really been the type to just up and quit something but I'm seriously considering quiting this breastfeeding stuff. I went to see the lactation consultant last week and she was great! We got all of the latching problems worked out and she really helped me to know that it was nothing that I was doing wrong and that I was correct when I thought that Y was not opening wide enough to latch on correctly and without causing me pain. So I left that meeting feeling great, really empowered but now I am just frustrated that I don't think I'm producing enough milk for my baby. She will suck for an hour or more and she still still be upset and cranky after which she will drink formula and be absolutely fine. I really don't know if it's milk supply or just a baby with a huge appetite, I really have no clue, but it is frustrating nonetheless. I will ask her pediatrician tomorrow and see what he thinks. I just get so sad and frustrated sometimes because all I really want is to be able to feed my baby and have that be enough. I don't want to have to give her formula, honestly I hate when she has a bottle of formula. But when faced with the decision of letting her have formula or having her crying because she didn't get enough, I think the decision is easy. I also read somewhere that maybe it has nothing to do with the amount she's eating and more that she just feels the need to be close to me or has a strong desire to suck. If it's the latter then you'd think she'd take a pacifier...she seems to hate the thing though. I really don't know and honestly I've been so emotional about it lately that I probably have some skewed perspective of whatever it is that is going on. Well since she goes to the doctor tomorrow I will try to find some time to post and update you guys on how she's doing.

As for how I'm doing...I've recovered pretty well. Last week when I went to my OB/GYN my blood pressure was better but still not great. Also last week when I went to the doctor we discovered that I had lost a total of 26 pounds since I had her (11lbs the first week and 15 pounds the second). Needless to say that I'm very happy about that and the fact that I've been in my smallest jeans for about a week and a half now! At least that can comfort me in my times of distressing about breastfeeding!

Week One

We've officially been home from the hospital for one week and boy has it been a long one! We've had a couple of never ending nights, as well as some very cranky periods but all in all everything is going well. Y had her Dr. appointment on Wednesday and she was up to 8lbs 12oz so she only had 2 more ounces to go until she reaches her birth weight (which I'm sure she's gained by now). So everything went great at her appointment. I also has an appointment on Wednesday but mine was to have my staples taken out. I was horrified at the thought, all I could imagine was someone taking a staple remover to my flesh. However, I must say that I was pleasantly surprised, I didn't feel a thing! So that was the good news from the appointment. The bad news is that my blood pressure was really high. We speculate that it could have been from me being nervous about having the staples out. The doctor said that usually blood pressure drops as the swelling in the legs and feet go down and mine are still pretty huge. Until it drops though he has me on blood pressure medication. I've been monitoring my BP at home for the last several days and whereas my systolic numbers are great, my diastolic numbers have been pretty high. Hopefully they begin to drop though, I go back on Wednesday to have my BP checked again.

As for us at home, my mom arrived on Tuesday and that's been a huge relief. We've started experiencing some nipple confusion so we're going to try to meet with the lactation consultant about that as well as a couple other concerns in the coming days. She's a relatively happy baby though. My goal is to get her back to the point where she can fall asleep in her crib all on her own. She did it great while in the hospital but once we got home she kinda stopped. So if any of you moms out there have any suggestions, they'd be highly appreciated. I guess I don't wanna always nurse her to sleep or rock her to sleep, although I enjoy it, it would be nice if I didn't always have to do it. But maybe I'm just asking for too much too fast...I dunno, you tell me. I know for a fact that there are some great moms reading this blog, so by all means give me your advice!