My Current Inner Struggle: VBAC or C-Section

Ever since finding out we were pregnant I have had one subject nagging me constantly at the back of my brain:  Vaginal-Birth-After-Cesarean (VBAC) or C-Section.  I thought I had my mind made up, and I guess in many ways I still do, but the opposition is always knocking at my brain with all the possible what-if scenarios.  It can be extremely nerve-wrecking especially when I realize that I have another 7 months to deal with what is quickly becoming an inner-turmoil. 

When pregnant with Y I had a lot of preconceived notions about what my birth experience would be.  I decided (or thought I had decided) fairly early on that I would NOT be induced and I would NOT have a C-section.  I knew the statistics and I knew the risks and I wanted no part of it, and that was that.  Well up until I was 37½ weeks pregnant, sick of being pregnant, and had an Ultrasound Tech tell me that I was carrying a 9lb. (+/- 1lb.) baby inside me.  That is when the tune changed and when the doctor said that unless my body started to labor on its own then he would induce me in 1½ weeks I was all over it.  Well, sort of.  I still really didn't want to be medically induced so I set out to do what I could to induce labor on my own (obviously none of it worked) but I was excited that there was a definite end in sight.

As most of you know, my body didn't cooperate with me and we drove to the hospital around 6:30am on a Wednesday morning and after checking all my vitals and setting everything up I had a pitocin drip by 7am.  As I look back I realize how naive I was.  I just knew that I would be holding my dear sweet little girl in only a few hours, I actually figured it'd be no later than 8pm - 13 hours was plenty of time, right?  I mean I was already 3cm when I got there, how long could 7 more centimeters take?  HA!  I didn't even reach 4cm until 12:45pm.  Anyway, I won't bore you with the entire, drawn out story but I will say that when I finally got the go ahead to begin pushing at 12:00am I was still only 9¾cm.  After pushing for 2½ hours she was still only at a -2 station.  At 2:30am the option of C-Section was presented and even though the likelihood of a 3rd or even 4th degree tear was presented, it was still an extremely hard decision for me.  By 2:45am I had caved and once again changed my tune, I was being prepped for surgery.  Between the time that I was pushed into the OR and hearing the time called out at 3:49am I don't remember much aside from being colder than I had ever been in my entire life - that is no exaggeration!  B said I snored through the entire operation, but really, can you blame me?

I have no regrets regarding the outcome of my labor story, I got a healthy and happy little girl.  But I have realized that I regret not taking more of a stand or asking more questions.  I've told B that this time around I REFUSE to be induced - easy to say when you're 8 weeks and not 38 weeks, but this time I feel as if I have a new resolve.  I don't believe that my body was ready for labor when I was induced and I think the end result of a C-Section was a direct result of that.  Now I am not, by any means, anti-C-Section.  I healed extremely well and extremely quickly, though I've nothing else to compare it to.  But I often find myself running through all the what-ifs that can occur anytime you make an important decision, you sometimes find yourself wondering what would have happened had you made the opposite choice.

And so I replay all this over and over again in my head as I research all the Pros and Cons of VBACs and C-Sections and I realize that the hardest part of it is the unknown.  No two labors are alike so I really have no clue what to expect.  I may end up with a much smaller baby, I may go into labor on my own at 38 weeks or so, the possibilities are endless and the reality is that those possibilities could either be positive or negative. 

I consider myself one of the lucky ones: I have a hospital that allows VBACs, I have a doctor who is willing to perform a VBAC and I have health insurance that covers a VBAC and with those three things half the battle is already won.  I have made a few decisions regarding this pregnancy though.  I will not, under any circumstances, plan now to have a C-Section, there will be no scheduled dates or even the discussion of one.  It's not even on my radar until at least 36 weeks.  I will be much more firm in my decisions this time around, it's my body and ultimately the decision is mine.  I will not refuse to have a C-Section if I absolutely feel it is necessary but at the same time I totally plan on doing a TOL (Trial of Labor).  I will continue to do research and know all of the pros and cons of VBACs and C-Section and I will not allow the opinions of others to corrupt my own opinions on the matter.  I will definitely be seeking out information and advice from those who have had successful VBACs.  I will be having several frank conversations with my doctor between now and then on increasing my chances of having a successful VBAC.

Just thinking about this subject can really bring tears to my eyes.  It is really becoming an emotional topic for me, I guess I'll blame it on the hormones.  I know that there is a lot riding on the outcome:  I know that with each C-Section the uterine wall becomes more and more fragile and that with each subsequent pregnancy the risk becomes greater.  I guess that is why I am putting so much pressure on myself.  We know that we either want 3 or 4 children but if they have to be delivered via C-Section (and having 2 C-Sections and 0 Vaginal births almost guarantees that) I can honestly say I wouldn't feel comfortable having any more than three.  And as I said, 3 may end up being all we really want to have but I don't want this debate to dictate that.  I'm a worrier by nature and so all the risks involved do intimidate me to some degree.  I guess I need to learn to rely more upon the comfort that Heavenly Father can provide over my own means of comfort.  "Let go and let God" as my mom and grandma used to say.

Christmas in a Nutshell

So I have fallen behind in blogging yet again.  This should be no surprise to most of you but hopefully in the coming year i will have more to say as our life gets more hectic and more interesting.

I know that I have failed to write a Christmas post.  It has been my intention to write this long drawn out post full of information and pictures of all the gifts which were received.  However, I have decided against that and will just say that we had an awesome Christmas.  Lots of fun was had by all and it was great to watch Y actually open the presents on her own this year.  It was her third Christmas but watching her tear open gift after gift after gift was pure joy.  I also took lots of pictures of all of her gifts but since most of you are also on my Facebook friends list you've probably already seen them.  For those of you who are not Facebook friends I will share one picture with you.  It happens to be my favorite and really sums up how Y felt about Christmas this year!

I can't wait until next year when she really understands even more about Santa and all things Christmas!  I hope your Holidays were as fantastic and memorable as ours

Enjoying a sleigh ride through a display of Christmas lights.

Christmas Cards 2010

I really enjoy making paper-pieced Christmas Cards but I knew this year I had to go for something much more simple and basic than last year.  Last year was elaborate, to say the least, and I put in a lot of time and effort into making sure each and every card was different.  This year I had no desire to do that!  I knew that I still wanted to make them but I also knew it would have to be quick and easy.

Whereas I love making the cards I am not great at coming up with ideas - just great at duplicating.  So I set out to find one that I liked and to be quite honest, it took me a while.  Couple that with the fact that I had another knitting project that I forced myself to finish before beginning the cards and you can sort of see why they were mailed so late this year.  Oh yeah, and don't forget planning a 30th Birthday party too! 

This year, unlike last year, I decided to include the much debated Christmas or Year-End letter.  I say "much debated"  because I have received a few that are like those referred to in the Garfunkel and Oates Year End Letter song (if you have not heard it then you MUST click the link).  I saw them perform the song on Jay Leno last year and based on some past letters I have received I thought it was hilarious.  So I debated if I should add one but figured I would if only to announce that we're pregnant to all those who still don't know.  So I hope that none of you find our letter to be as bad as the one referred to in that song!

Anyway, here's the card, photo and letter for those of you who didn't get a copy (be sure to send me your address so that I can get you one next year)!  Although next Christmas I'll have a four month old who will likely still be waking to nurse at least twice a night so it may end up being one of those photo cards that are ordered from Walmart, you've been warned!  And remember you can always click on the pictures to enlarge them!

Peas = Candy

In case you didn't know or you weren't aware, Peas are candy.  Or at least such is the case in our household.  Now I totally realize that this will not always be the case but for right now, at least according to Y, Peas are candy.

I guess a little background is necessary for you to fully appreciate this.  When Y was first introduced to solids, she would eat pretty much anything.  As she transitioned from baby food into table food she became a fairly picky eater.  She still loved most fruit but meat and the majority of vegetables were a no go. 

Now we can get her to eat most forms of meat by calling it chicken.  Beef = Chicken.  Pork = Chicken.  Chicken = Chicken.  The only meat we haven't been able to convince her is chicken is ground beef and hot dogs (no big loss on that one though).

As for vegetables, it was always interesting.  She LOVES broccoli and asparagus, two vegetables that most kids want nothing to do with, she also loves to eat lettuce and tomato.  For the longest time we could not get her to even taste a green bean but in the past several months she has come to exclaim, "Mmmmm, Green Beans" whenever she sees them and will actually eat them.  I've never been successful at getting her to eat corn or peas no matter what and the only time we really eat peas is with the frozen Mixed vegetables.

Well for Thanksgiving dinner I made green beans, she loved them and ate them all up.  Well so did everyone else so the next day when it was time to have the leftovers we had to pull another vegetable from the freezer.  Mixed vegetables were chosen.  I knew Y wouldn't eat them but regardless it is always put on her plate.  So during dinner when Y declared she was all done, Nana B pointed out to her that she hadn't eaten her candy.  Y kinda looked at her plate with a perplexed look and could not figure out what Nana B was talking about.  So Nana B picked up a pea from her own plate and ate it, then went on to tell Y how good the candy was.  I didn't think in a million years that Y would fall for that...but she did!  And she ate about 5 peas before really being done.  I was convinced that she only ate 5 because she had come to her senses and realized that there was no way those green balls were candy.

Fast forward to today's dinner.  I made mixed veggies for the first time since that leftover Thanksgiving meal.  And upon placing Y's plate in front of her shes yells, "Green beans and caaannndyyyyy!"  I could not help myself, I started to laugh but I was still sure that she knew better.  Well after dinner I am not quite sure that she does know better because she picked through those veggies until she had eaten most every pea!  After seeing that I started referring to the corn as candy corn but she wasn't buying that one!  But at least she ate her peas!  So in the Fox household, at least for now, Peas = Candy!!!

Y's World

In the world in which Y lives, everything is all about her and since she is only a toddler I guess that is to be expected - for now.  Fortunately for me, she is a very amiable toddler as well.  I honestly can't say enough good things about her, and I'm sure everyone gets sick of hearing it at times, but isn't that just what parents do?

I have felt lately as if much of the fatigue I felt early on is beginning to dissipate.  I know that I am only half way through the first trimester and the fatigue probably shouldn't be fading yet but to me it seems as if that's exactly what's happening, or maybe I'm just adjusting to it, or maybe I've been so busy during the last few weeks that I haven't had the time to feel tired.  But whatever the reason I have to give my baby girl her props.  When mommy is tired she is more than willing to accommodate!  It never failed, whenever I dosed off to sleep she would sit quietly near me and play, with an occasional trip to her room to get a different toy or something she previously forgot.  Never once did I awake to find the place in shambles or to find her playing with something she isn't supposed to.  It was great, especially since the naps were taken at random and without any notice at all.  I'd literally sit down for a few minutes to take a break and within 5-10 minutes I'd be asleep.  They were always those weird naps where you feel as if you're in a really deep sleep but at the same time you're aware of what is going on and being said around you.

A friend once told me that I'd better watch out for baby #2 because Y was really just too good.  I've often thought the exact same thing but after posting that thought on Facebook this week I have been reassured that I could end up with 2 angelic children in a row but that I should definitely beware of the fourth.  Haha, I guess that settles the debate of whether we'll have 3 children or 4!  I know that regardless of Q's temperament or personality I will love him/her just as much as I love Y.

Y gets funnier and funnier each day but she also becomes more social and loving each day.  She was never really a social child before, she always stayed close to those she knew but recently in stores she will go up to random people and start to say hi.  She has never made a move or shown any interest in wandering beyond a few arms length of me but it still makes me a little paranoid at times.  I guess I just need to adjust to this new found friendliness.  She also repeats everything that she hears someone say, regardless of the setting or who is having the conversation.  Yes, that includes when two complete strangers who apparently haven't seen each other in a very long time see each other in the store and yell, "OMG!" (abbreviation added).  Or whenever mommy is having a conversation with someone else, she likes to repeat back what they said to me, verbatim, but in a question format.  Most people think it is hilarious and I am beginning to think that maybe that is why she has a large vocabulary for a 27 month old.  But since I use this blog as my personal journal I'll have to start writing posts about the funny things that she says or does!  Stay tuned!

Appointment with the Nurse

On Wednesday,  Dec. 15th, I went in to see the nurse at my OBGYN's office.  I did the same when pregnant with Y and basically the purpose of this visit is to go over all my medical history and immediate family medical history.  Since we had done the bulk of that during my initial visit when I was pregnant before this time was just updating any changes that have occurred since then, including adding all sorts of information regarding the pregnancy and birth of Y.  Fortunately that didn't take too long and we were able to move along to the other aspects of the visit.  I had to give a urine sample as well as a few vials of blood which, among other things, they will use to do a early random blood glucose test. 

While having my blood drawn my Dr. stopped and asked me how my blood pressures and blood glucose readings have been and well, the truth is that whereas I have been testing my sugar levels an average of twice a day, it's not really good enough since I'm supposed to do it 4 times a day and I haven't been doing blood pressure checks at all.  So I definitely need to get on the ball and be more consistent with that.

Other than giving me a bunch of stuff to read over regarding genetics testing (which we have no plans of doing) and a bunch of other information which I still have from my nurse's visit while pregnant with Y, there wasn't a whole lot to tell about that visit.  We go for our first appointment with the OBGYN on Jan. 4th and I am super excited because we'll get to see him/her for the first time via ultrasound.  And as a heads up:  You'll likely here me refer to this baby as Q throughout this pregnancy.  I have decided that I like the name Quinn for a boy or for a girl so to me gender doesn't matter and I figure that if I just keep referring to him/her as Quinn then it will start to grow on B too.  Hope my plan works ;)

B Turns 30!!!

Last Sunday, Dec. 12th, B turned 30!!  It's one of those birthday milestones which can be viewed as good and bad.  He was not looking forward to the day at all.  In fact most of our friends (outside of Michigan) have either turned 30 in 2010 or will turn 30 in 2011 and most all of us are viewing the same way...like it's a death march or something.  Honestly when I think about why it is so dreaded I can't logically come up with a valid reason.  All I can really say to justify it is that I remember when my mom turned 30, I was 9 years old and I remember thinking she was ancient.  Now that my mom is 50+ and I am approaching 30 it doesn't seem so old anymore but I guess the fear is that somewhere some 9 year old is thinking that I am now the ancient one.  I shudder at the thought.

But anyway, this post is about B and his birthday and not about my random ramblings about the animosity I feel towards a certain day which is still 9 months away (for me anyway).

One of the joys of having our new place is that it has so much more room.  In reality it is only about 600 sq ft larger but the fact that it is an open floor plan and the rooms are larger makes it seem so much more spacious.  And so I didn't fret when inviting 20+ friends and family members to come celebrate his birthday with us here.  The truth of the matter is that we invited far more than 20, but the bulk of the invitations went to family members which we knew, due to schedules and distance, wouldn't be able to make it.  We were originally expecting about 30 but some last minutes cancellations left us at 22 but that was more than enough!  It was pretty hard though because we would have loved to have invited more people but were uncertain of just how many people our place could hold comfortably.  I can now say that I definitely think we could potentially do 25-30 but more than 30 would be pushing it.  So we invited friends based on how many family members were going to attend and I think it worked out nicely.

Before the friends arrived we had B's birthday dinner which was of course pizza from his favorite pizzeria, Pizza Papalis.  If you live or are visiting the Detroit area it is a MUST have!  We had family visiting from Toronto and they have always heard us rave about it but had never tried it, and I don't think they were at all disappointed!  The only thing that was missing was the ambiance of eating at the actual restaurant, it is definitely part of the whole experience and it's best downtown when it is super busy.

At around 7pm we had friends start arriving, each of which was assigned to either bring something sweet or something savory/salty.  It was a Mexican theme and I myself made quesadillas, taquitos (store bought),  a con queso salsa, virgin Sangria, and brownies instead of birthday cake.  We also played some super fun games and spent a lot of time socializing.  It was really so much fun but I will say that I was extremely glad it was over!  Throwing a party can be really stressful.  I would love to say that I want to do it all over again in 9 months when I am turning 30 but I also realize that I will (if all continues to go well) have a newborn who could be anywhere between 2 weeks and 1 month old.  I'm not sure how much I'll feel like partying really...maybe a nice dinner or something.  Who knows, maybe we'll know more as the time gets closer!

Busy, Busy, Busy

I can't believe we're over half way through December and this is my first post.  I really do frustrate myself lately when it comes to blogging.  I was always so great at keeping it up to date and then life started getting in the way.  I always have ideas for news posts that I want to share with you guys and then I'll get preoccupied with something else and before I know it I have a whole slew of ideas to write about but I realize that to write them all I have to set aside a large chunk of time. *sigh*

So here I am, still with lots of presents to wrap but I decided that for tonight updating my blog was absolutely mandatory.  What's been going on the past several weeks will definitely be covered in the posts that follow but just as a quick run down it'll talk about B's birthday, my visit with the nurse, this year's Christmas Card, and at least one post about Y (since I'm sure that's what keeps you guys coming back anyway)!

30 Days of Thanks - Day 30!!!!!

I am grateful for the health and happiness of all those that I hold dear.  You give me so much strength!

Suspicions Confirmed

As you know, B and I finally started trying to conceive this month.  I had been taking my Basal Body Temperature at the instruction of my doctor since September.  I felt like I knew my cycle relatively well before ever doing that but I will admit that taking my basal temperature each morning really helped me to understand it (and predict it) much better.  I knew exactly when I had ovulated and it took the guessing game out of the whole process.  So a week later when I started experiencing certain symptoms I had my suspicions but knew it was way too early to tell.  I can honestly say that I've "known" for the last week but today the test confirmed it:  WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!

It is no surprise to me that it happened so quickly.  Most people didn't know but when I went to my Preconception Counseling appointment in September my doctor told me to stop taking the pill and use an "alternate form of contraceptive"  (I can't tell you how much that SUCKS)!!!!  But anyway, we did it and it allowed my body to rid itself of the hormones and for us to get pregnant FAST!  It probably also helps that I come from a family of super fertile people.  I know that so many people struggle to conceive so I know we are truly blessed for it to be so "easy" for us.

I spoke of the symptoms I experienced earlier so I guess I will elaborate.  Last week, about 8-10 days DPO (days past ovulation) I realized that I was extremely tired at the oddest times.  In the morning after breakfast Y and I will typically sit and watch Sesame Street, Word World , Barney and Sid the Science Kid.  We don't always watch all of them but usually the TV is on and we get to see bits and pieces of each between our other activities.  Well I found myself falling asleep during some of these times and I don't mean little nods here and there, I mean full on I-can't-keep-my-eyes-open sleep.  Fortunately Y would be so entranced in whatever she was watching/doing that I could get 10-20 minutes of sleep in and she would be perfectly well behaved.  Another thing I started to notice was just how thirsty I constantly was and how I'd wake up each morning with the worst cotton mouth you can imagine.  I remember that happening when I was first pregnant with Y, I don't normally drink many fluids during the day and it's kind of necessary when you're pregnant so in an attempt to prevent the extreme thirst and cotton mouth, I'd better start drinking more.  And the final two clues came last night.  First was during Y's bedtime routine, B took her to brush her teeth and when they returned (about 2-3 minutes later) I was in a deep sleep.  Finally, and this may be TMI for some, but B and I were watching a movie last night I laughed so hard and I (only the tiniest bit) wet myself.  Well the only time I've ever done this was when I was pregnant.  You see I have a tilted uterus and it tilts right into my bladder.  Now it is normal for the uterus to tilt slightly towards the bladder but lets just say mine tilts more than slightly and as a result I get that urinating issue that so many pregnant women experience so much earlier than most...lucky me!

So with all those symptoms I decided that even though I had a "test day" picked out I would move it up, and so I did.  I know that there are so many people who never "go public" about their pregnancy until much later and I actually did give that a thought, if only for a brief second.  I completely realize that after the first trimester the odds of miscarriage decreases but I also realize that if it happens, I'd rather have the same people that I shared the joyous news with first also be the first people there to comfort me through it.  We're only 4 weeks into this pregnancy and know that we have a long way to go with a million possibilities between now and then but you needn't worry and can rest assured that I'll take you along for the ride with us!