Ironical

A few days ago I came across the term Placenta Accreta when doing a little more research concerning C-Sections and so I did a little reading up on the term and well, let's just say it freaked me out.  Mostly what disturbed me about it was the idea that most often it can't even be detected until the baby is born, and if you know me then you know I don't like surprises!  I like to know exactly what to expect.

Fast forward to today's doctor appointment which was at 1pm.  Everything was great, I was taken back, gave my urine sample, was hooked up to the machine and then just sat there waiting for Baby Q to move and Dr. L to come in and check on me.  Well, I waited...and waited...and waited.  I could hear the nurses talking outside the door and was able to gather that he had a C-Section scheduled for 12pm but hadn't made it back yet.  2pm rolls around and I'm still hooked up to the machine with no doctor in sight.  Finally at 2:15pm I hear them say that he is on his way back (FYI my doctor's office is right next to the hospital, the two buildings are literally connected) and they explained that the delay was because after the schedule C-Section was complete another patient was ready to deliver so he had to stay and deliver that baby too.  Well at 2:35pm he finally arrives and comes in to check on, me the nurse is also in the room and he begins to talk about the C-Section and how the patient had Placenta Accreta.  Well he probably didn't expect me to know what that was because quite honestly had I not come across the term 2 days earlier I would have had no clue what he was referring to.  And so I mention to him that I had literally just read about that 2 days prior and how ironic it is that he's standing in front of me talking about it now.  I mean it's a pretty stinking rare occurrence, much less to happen right after I finish reading up on it.

Now there are 3 degrees of Placenta Accreta depending on how deep the placenta attaches itself inside the uterine wall.  The worst case scenario is Placenta Percreta (click on the link provided above for more info) but it's also the rarest of the 3 and it just so happens that whoever this lady is, had just that and the only solution was an emergency hysterectomy.  Apparently she wanted a tubal ligation anyway so I guess, hopefully, that made it a little easier for her.  So if reading about it a couple days ago didn't make me nervous enough hearing about this today made me even moreso nervous.  I guess the scariest thing is that regardless of whether someone chooses to have a VBAC or C-section, if they end up with Placenta Accreta the decision they make won't change the fact that they have it.  I guess it just makes you think...

By the way, all was well at the appointment!  Six more weeks to go...

Turning Point

I've been writing this post in my head for a few weeks now.  Originally I was going to write it and have it post for Father's Day, but I never got around to it.  I view my blog like a journal and so I'm sharing this here.

I have always loved my dad.  But yet all those years growing up and even into adulthood I wanted a different dad.  My dad was angry, grumpy, shared no emotion aside from anger and grumpiness, and just an all around pain to grow up with as a father.  I never got excited when my dad came home, in fact we all longed for the times when he wasn't at home.  I secretly longed for dad's like my friend's had, dad's they could actually talk to, dad's who didn't constantly seem to be yelling about something or other, dad's who weren't afraid to give them a hug or say "I love you."  Who says you can't miss what you never had?...whoever said it is idiot!  I never had it and I definitely knew what I was missing.

Even given all his faults I loved my dad and was still oftentimes, in my own mind, a daddy's girl.  Out of all of us kids I was always the quickest to forgive him for whatever he said or did, and that is still the case to this day.  Maybe living so far away from home makes it a bit easier for me, or maybe it's the idea that through all the hurt he inflicted on us he still always managed to provide us with the important things.  Don't get me wrong, we were poor and did without at times but I never missed out on attending a field trip at school because it cost too much, and when I wanted to join the band he found a way to buy me my clarinet, I can think of lots of other occasions when he pulled through when it probably was next to impossible. 

And then there's the flip side of the coin...yes he bought me the clarinet but he never attended a single band concert of mine.  Much to my annoyance though, he was always present at any awards ceremony when I was going to receive an award and no one beamed brighter on my graduation day than he, and I'd often hear him bragging to his friends that I had been accepted to and was going to attend Virginia Tech.  These were the things that annoyed me, mostly because I felt like he was just doing it to take some sort of credit for all of MY hard work.  I guess I should have just been glad that he was there at those moments but the bitterness I felt towards him at those moments overshadowed any amount of joy I should have been feeling.

I have three half brothers whom I have very little to no dealing with at all.  They are results of my dad's infidelity and all three share the same mother.  They have never given my dad a gift for his birthday, Father's Day, Christmas, or for any other reason.  For the most part the only contact that they have with him is when they find themselves in need of his help or assistance on something, like finding a car part cheaply or finding a good deal on a set of rims, etc.  And yet it seems my dad goes out of his way to keep in contact with them.  Wanna know how many times my dad ever called to talk to me?  If you said 0, you're right.  He has started to call recently but it's always to talk to Y.  I really don't mind so much because, well, getting my dad to talk about anything I'd be even slightly interested in is like pulling teeth.  I always contributed his lack of talking to us as a sign of his guilt.  He always felt that we weren't affected by his infidelity, that it was none or our business and therefore our thoughts on the subject didn't matter...we were meant to be seen and not heard and our feelings were never taken into account.  I think he now realizes that his way of thinking was flawed to say the least, but he's still not one to own up to his wrongdoings or mistakes.

As mentioned in several posts we traveled to NC to visit my family a few weeks ago and upon returning home I realized some things, mostly about my dad and the relationship that I and my siblings currently have with him and have had with him in the past. I guess going home and seeing him suffer through the pains of dialysis and the effects that some of the necessary medications which he takes has on him helped me to reach a sort of turning point in our relationship.  Granted I don't ever think we'll have the type of relationship where we call each other on the phone to talk, and I don't hold out for him to open up his arms to hug me and tell me he loves me, but I've been able to find a peace in our relationship.  I have accepted him and his shortcomings.  For the first time in my life I can honestly say that I love my dad and all of his flaws and imperfections.  I realize that I'm grateful for the sacrifices he did make for me and even for being who he is because the hard truth is that without my dad I may not have ever come to appreciate my greatest blessing in this life, my husband.  I no longer find myself judging my dad or being angry at him for the past.  I have instead chosen to focus on the possibilities of the future, hoping that he will be able to find a kidney donor that will be a match for him so that he can live many more years and get to know my children, his grandchildren as they grow.  Because the one thing I can give him credit for is being an awesome granddad, at least until they're 5-8 years old, then he kinda loses his patience with them.

Baseball

A few days after returning from NC we were able to attend a Detroit Tigers game with one of B's little brothers and some friends.  As for myself, I'm not a fan of baseball at all so I spent most of the game people watching and trying to figure out what I missed whenever the crowd yelled.  But even given my disdain for the sport I had an awesome evening with B and everyone.  We had an awesome dinner at Pizza Papalis and spent the entire evening laughing at each other's expense.  And we even had some pretty amazing seats, we bought our tickets online from StubHub.  We were sitting eleven rows up from third base and we got the tickets for really cheap and since it was a Friday night game they even had fireworks afterwards!  Who could ask for anything else?  Well I guess it would have been a little better had they actually won, but it didn't matter to me either way!  Here are some pictures...

 



Baby Q Update

All is still well, there is nothing of any significance to report, thankfully.  At this stage I like to believe that no news really is good news.  I now have doctor appointments twice a week, on Tuesdays and Fridays, and it will stay that way until she is born.  As I mentioned before I have to go in to have NSTs done twice a week and even though I gave it my best shot at attempting to convince Dr. L that I only really needed to have one done a week, he didn't buy it.  And so I wake up twice a week at 5am in order to drive B to work.  Fortunately I have awesome friends who have been awesome enough to watch Y for me during these appointments because it would be impossible for me to keep her occupied for an hour while I am hooked up to fetal heart monitors and unable to tend to her.  I am not a morning person at all so getting up so early is leaving me even more tired than I was before.  That also explains why it's been a while between my posts, but it doesn't explain why it's almost 1am and I am still awake - at least I get to sleep in today!

Pictures As Promised...A Week Ago!

Washington DC Temple

We made it a point to stop in to take a few pictures and show Y the place where we got engaged and later married.  She loved seeing the temple and kept asking to see Jesus (in reference to the large Christus that is in the Visitor's Center).

This was our first trip back here since we were married here almost 6 years ago.

Y loved visiting the temple but especially loved the replica home that was inside the Visitor's Center.



 

 

Y sitting with me on the bench outside the temple where B proposed.

The Outer Banks

I am convinced that the closest place to Heaven on Earth are the Outer Banks of North Carolina!  If you've never been there for a visit then I insist that you do so.  Fortunately for us it's not a super long drive from my parent's house. Y LOVED it and it was undoubtedly her favorite part of the trip.

Coquina Beach, it's part of the Cape Hatteras National Seashore and right across the road is the Bodie Island Lighthouse that you can climb and tour. 

The walkway that takes you from the showers/changing rooms to the beach.

My mom, Y, and myself playing in the sand.  It was a perfect day - 85 degrees and a water temp of 72!

She's focused...she's got the Michael Jordan tongue going on.

Family & Temple (Again)

Here are a few pictures of us hanging out with my family as well as a final stop at the temple on the drive back home.

Y playing with her cousin, G who's 6 weeks older than her.

We drove back on a Monday so the temple was closed but the grounds were still open.  We had the whole place to ourselves until the couple who took our picture showed up - they were traveling as well.

Surprise!!

Several months ago we began discussing the possibility of taking a road trip to NC to visit family.  B only gets about 2 weeks worth of vacation and we knew we wanted him to have at least a week off once Baby Q arrives.  We thought of several vacation possibilities but since my dad has recently started dialysis and as a result hasn't been in the best physical or even mental state, we were strongly leaning towards that option.  I mentioned the possibility to my mom but swore her to secrecy, mostly because we had been hit with a lot of unexpected bills that can arise when you own a home and a car.  So we said that if we had one more large, unexpected bill then the trip was off.  I didn't want to leave a ton of people disappointed so we just made my mom keep the secret.  When the point came that we knew for sure that we'd be going I decided that it would be cool to have it remain a secret and so that is what we did.

We left our home on Saturday, May 28th at 8:45am and we arrived in the wee hours of the morning on Sunday.  It's about a 12 hour drive but between the bladder of a 7½ month pregnant woman and a newly potty trained 2 year old it became a 17 hour drive.  We really enjoyed the trip and were able to stop by the DC Temple for the first time since we were married there over 5½ years ago.  We split the driving pretty evenly between us and kept Y happy with candy, treats, and DVDs.  Just as we exited the highway to get to my parent's house all the candy came back to haunt us...she puked all over herself and her carseat.  After we reached my parent's house she puked some more but then she was completely fine.

We had an awesome week there and it was so nice to have our own car to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted without borrowing someone else's car.  We drove to see my grandma, to the Outer Banks, to visit various friends, etc.  It was awesome and we left Monday, June 6th to come back home.  We've had a pretty good couple days of rest and sadly B returns to work in the morning.  Now that I'm back I've started to focus on all that I have to do before Baby Q arrives and it feels a bit overwhelming to say the least.

I'm still not really fully recovered from all of the driving so I'll end this post here and come back later to post some of the pictures from our trip as well as an update from my doctor's appointment...stay tuned!

The Debate Continues...

I've been meaning to write this post for over 24 hours but I was pretty down-in-the-dumps after my appointment yesterday so I really just avoided writing it. I've finally pulled myself up by my boot straps and pushing ahead, so here I am, writing this post.

After my ultrasound on Monday I was so very hopeful about getting the VBAC that I so badly want and then at my appointment yesterday when I finally got to meet with Dr. L and discuss the ultrasound with him all of my hopes kinda came crumbling down.  I figured it was time for another candid discussion regarding my desire to have a VBAC and so I raised a few questions regarding the risks involved.  Well he kind of dropped a bomb on me.  You see, I've done a little reading up on VBACs because I want to know what I'm getting myself into and based on these readings I had pretty much made up my mind that I was going to attempt a VBAC.  The bomb that was dropped on me though, is that I am a high risk patient so the risks I was reading about in these other stories and books aren't really applicable to me.  Well, I guess it's more like those risks are applicable to me...but having Gestational Diabetes and Chronic Hypertension open up an entire new world of risks that I had no clue about.  Just talking about those risks intimidate me.  In the end I just want to make the decision that is healthiest for me and Baby Q and hearing about the possibilities really makes me question what the best decision is for us.

I guess before I was focused on VBAC vs. C-Section.  I knew the risks of a VBAC as well as the risks of a C-Section and in weighing them VBAC always came out on top.  What I never fully accounted for in my previous analysis was what happens if I choose VBAC and I'm unsuccessful in that attempt.  That was the discussion I had with Dr. L yesterday and ultimately that is the discussion that really has me wondering what path is the right one for us.  He also gave me a copy of the consent form that I'll have to sign regardless of which choice I make.  When he handed it to me to read over he forewarned me that it was going to be a shock to the system, and he was right.  It put me even more in a funk even though it was written to be unbiased and gave risks of both. I'll type it up below so you can all read how delightful it is for yourselves!

In reading and talking to other people on message boards and such I always get such a negative vibe when they refer to Obstetricians and everyone seems to scream that I should just switch to a midwife.  Well, being a high risk patient makes that decision for me, I pretty much have to see an OB and to be quite honest, I don't think I'd change even if I could.  I like my doctor and I can always rely on him to give it to me straight.  And so, with all the OB bashing that I hear and read about I have to hand it to Dr. L he hasn't tried to coerce me into making a decision either way and I know that regardless of what decision I make he'll go with it and do his best to make sure that both I and Baby Q come out of it healthy.

Here's the lovely consent form I mentioned above:

Statement of Informed Consent

For Patients with a Prior Cesarean Birth

1. I understand that I have had one or more prior cesarean(s).
2. I understand that I have the option of undergoing an elective repeat cesarean or attempting a vaginal birth after a cesarean (VBAC)
3. I understand that approximately 70% of women who undergo a VBAC will successfully deliver vaginally and that the remaining 30% must have a cesarean.
4. I understand that VBAC carries a higher risk of harm to my baby than a cesarean and these risks have been thoroughly explained to me.
5. I understand that the risk of a uterine rupture during a VBAC in someone such as myself, who has had a prior incision in the noncontracting part of my uterus is around 1%.  I understand that if my uterus ruptures during my VBAC, there may not be sufficient time to operate and to prevent the death of, or permanent brain injury to my baby.
6. I understand that if i deliver vaginally, it is likely that I will have fewer problems after delivery and a shorter hospital stay than if I have a cesarean section
7. I understand that VBAC carries a lower risk to me than does a cesarean delivery and the risks of each procedure have been thoroughly explained to me.
8. I understand that during my VBAC, the use of oxytocin (Pitocin) hormone to make my uterus contract may be necessary to assist me in my vaginal delivery and the potential effects of this drug have been thoroughly explained to me.
9. I understand that if I choose a VBAC and end up having a cesarean during labor, I have a greater risk of problems than if I had had an elective repeat cesarean and these risks and potential problems have been thoroughly explained to me.
10. I understand that in having a vaginal delivery I am exposing myself to the future risk of symptoms of pelvic relaxation including urinary and fecal incontinence and these symptoms have been fully explained to me.
11. I understand that the decision to have a VBAC is entirely my own, and the option of an elective repeat cesarean has been discussed with me
12. I have read or had had read to me the above information and I understand it.
13. I have had an opportunity to ask any questions I would like to ask regarding all of the matters described in 1 through 12 above.

I have received all the information I want.  After discussing the matter with my doctor:

It then has 2 spaces for signature, one above "I want to attempt a VBAC" and another above "I want a repeat cesarean."

On behalf of myself and my baby, i agree to accept the risks associated with the procedure I have chosen and release my physician, nurse, hospital and other health care providers from any and all damages related to any injury, illness and/or death resulting from the risks associated with the procedure I have selected.

There is another space for signature and date as well as a space to print my name.

Doesn't all that sound depressing to you too???

Intermittent Exotropia, Part II

You may remember this post written back in March regarding Y's 30 month well check-up.  I wrote about Intermittent Exotropia and how we had scheduled an appointment for Y to meet with an ophthalmologist and have her eyes checked regarding it.  Well that appointment was this past Tuesday, May 24th. 

Long story short, she does in fact have Intermittent Exotropia in her left eye but it happens very infrequently and even when it does occur she is very good at controlling it.  The doctor we met with explained to us that in cases like Y's they do not treat it, rather they just keep an eye on it.  She will go back in November for a quick check-up just to make sure it hasn't worsened but we're confident that it's nothing to be concerned about.  Should it get much, much worse we would then discuss having her wear a patch over one eye or possible surgery in order to correct it.

We're just glad to know that she has an extremely mild case of it as of right now and that it requires no treatment.  We'll remain optimistic that it will stay that way in the future!

Holding On to Hope

At my 20 week ultrasound when I was told that Baby Q was in the 96th percentile, I pretty much had little hope of having a successful VBAC.  But today I have a new reason to hold on to hope!  I had an ultrasound today and she is only in the 54th percentile, at 28 weeks 6 days Baby Q is 1372 grams (about 3 pounds).  At about this same time of gestation Y was 68th percentile so I am celebrating that 14% difference today.

I was positive that I was going to be told that she was around the 70th percentile today but I was very surprised to learn that she isn't even close to it.  We did find out that she is currently in a head up position which only has me a little concerned.  Generally by this point babies are in a head down position but I keep reminding myself that Y was transverse (sideways) until almost the very end of my pregnancy and just when I had given up hope, she turned herself into that downward position.  I don't think it'll be anything to be seriously concerned about until at least 34-36 weeks, though I'll be sure to ask my doctor about it at my appointment on Wednesday.

I mentioned in a previous post that my ultrasound was rescheduled for Wednesday, May 25th.  Well this morning I awoke to a message from the doctor's office asking me to call them as soon as possible.  This threw me into panic mode because I figured that had received the results to the 24 hour urinalysis which I completed last week.  I quickly drew the conclusion that they had found a high level of protein in my urine, the doctor wanted to meet with me immediately, I would likely be diagnosed with pre-eclampsia which would undoubtedly lead to me spending the rest of my pregnancy on bed rest which would then lead to me having to find something to do with Y because I can't possibly take care of an active toddler while on bed rest.  I allowed myself to run through all these possible scenarios for 15 minutes until I finally got up the nerve to return their phone call.  Needless to say all that panic was for naught, they only wanted me to call back so quickly so that they could reschedule my ultrasound for TODAY instead of Wednesday.  It still took a while for my blood pressure to return to normal though, I allow myself to get worked up way too easily!

Potty Training Chronicles II

Dare I say we have COMPLETED potty training (knock on wood)!  As of today Y has gone a full week without a single accident and has been waking with a dry pull-up even longer than that!

As it turns out the day after I wrote the last potty training post turned out to be a nightmare, hence the knocking on wood above.  I did so much bragging about her pottying abilities that I should have known it would blow up in my face.  To say that day was horrible would be an understatement but I'm pretty sure it was a test to see if I'd give up.  I didn't give up, in fact if anything, I became more persistent than I had been before.

It turns out that the hardest thing for her seemed to have been what she grasped the quickest originally, going #2.  She had 2 incidents with really hard stools and then it was like she was done with it and for a week or more she refused to go #2 in the potty and would wait until I was busy cooking dinner or even when she was in bed at night to finally let loose.  And then she made the mistake of her life, she clued me in on her #2 signal.  One afternoon she was watching Caillou and she came to me and asked me "can I go in my room and play by myself?"  I told her yes without even really giving it a thought but 5 minutes later it struck me as odd.  You see, she never plays in her room alone and she HATES being in their with the door closed.  So when i realized that not only was she in her room "playing" quietly but she had also shut her door, I knew something was awry.  And sure enough when I went to check on her she had pooped.  And so, that is how I realized her signal that she had to go #2.  From then on out if she went to her room and closed her door, she was doing so with the intention of pooping and so I had to increase my awareness of what she was doing and where she was at all times.  It made for a tough few days and that is when she began going a night when she was in bed but eventually I was able to teach her that her "holding it" was what made it hurt.  It took her actually going #2 when she should instead of holding it in for her to learn that it doesn't have to hurt.  I will add that having her drink half a cup of plum juice helped as well...it really works well!  We call it her "Special Juice!"

I'm so proud of my little princess!  Here's to hoping for an accident free future.