Saying Goodbye

I arrived in North Carolina on Thursday, the viewing was scheduled for Friday afternoon and the funeral on Saturday.  I found myself very emotional at just the thought of seeing Grandma laying there in a casket.  I truly could not bare the thought of it so you can imagine how apprehensive I was once we arrived at the funeral home and were asked to approve of the body.

I cried and I was emotional but oddly enough I felt calm and peace.  I was truly able to stand there with the body and know it was just a vessel.  I have no doubt that my grandma was there with me at that exact moment, she comforted me, she gave me the strength I needed at that moment and in many moments sense.

The viewing and funeral were both well attended.  Many people that I didn't know but who all knew me or knew of me.  I introduced myself to one of her friends, her name was Ms. Marie and they had lived on the same street for 40+ years.  I vaguely remember her asking me a question and when I answered I somehow ended up mentioning that I live in Michigan.  She looked at me with a hint of recognition and she said, "oh, you're the one she'd talk on the phone to every Sunday.  I remember she'd always tell me she was waitin' on her grandbaby to call."  It brought such a big smile to my face, Grandma loved those phone calls and they are a memory that I am so glad I have to hold on to forever.

We went back to the grave site to give it final approval on Monday.  And while there I remember mentioning to my mom that it all felt so surreal.  In many ways it still doesn't feel real.  I suppose with time it will just become reality but for now it just seems like an alternate reality.

Memories of Grandma

I've always had a close relationship with my grandma, in fact I always struggle to wrap my heads around how it is that someone can not be close to their grandma, it truly seems foreign to me when I think of it.  But I try to step back and realize that not everyone lived in such close proximity to their grandmas and so maybe the relationships were different.  Maybe too it has something to do with my Grandma only having 3 grandkids - my sister, my brother, and myself.

Up until the time I was around 10 (with the exception of 1 year) I had always lived no more than 2 houses away from my grandma and right next door to my Great-Grandma and Great-Aunt.  We were small in number but were we ever close!  From an early age my grandma would pile us in her car and we'd go pick strawberries, grapes, blueberries, you name it.  As we got older she taught us to fish and would even bait my hook for me because she knew that was the only part I hated.  Well that and taking the fish off the hook! She bought me my first bicycle for Christmas one year, each year we'd submit a list of school supplies to her and she would buy everything on our list.  When we would go visit her all we ever wanted to watch on TV were MTV and BET, and after a little while she'd come inside and start dancing in the middle of the living room floor.  Oh, and boy did she love to pull pranks!

She loved us more than anything and she made sure we knew it.  She was as nice as pie to everyone around her, until they gave her a reason not to be, and if that ever happened...WATCH OUT!!!  Fortunately, that side of my grandma was never ever directed towards us but we had the opportunity to see it directed at others on a few occasions.  Mom would tell us stories from when she was a child as a way to help us see just how much our grandma had changed.

When I moved away to Michigan I decided that no matter what I would make sure I called my Grandma EVERY Sunday.  I never missed a call.  Those phone calls were just as important to me as they were to her.  I miss them but it death hasn't stopped me from talking to her.  I know she hears me, I know she remains close to all of us.  I can feel her with me all the time.

Loss

A matter of hours after writing my last post, where I declared my allegiance to updating this blog, I received the phone call that my grandma had passed.

I thought I was prepared for it.  I learned that nothing can ever really prepare you for it.  It became THE hardest day of my life thus far, replacing the day when we drove away to Michigan with my entire family waving goodbye on the front porch.

The call came in at 3:43am and I instantly knew.  My mom gave me the news and we talked briefly.  She told me how the entire family - my parents, siblings, and all my nieces and nephews - had spent the night in her room at her bedside.  She told me of how Grandma had been fine at 3am but by 3:30am she had passed away.  I remember hanging up the phone and sitting quietly in my bed for about 5 or 10 minutes.  I remember marveling to myself how well I was handling it and then something cracked and the dam broke.  It literally took me the remainder of the day to compose myself.  Even though she had been sick and steadily declining for almost 9 months, even though I knew upon leaving North Carolina after our visit last summer that I wouldn't see her alive again, even though she was 85 years old...none of it prepared me.

I received so many phone calls, texts, emails, messages, etc.  It felt amazing to know that there were so many people supporting me through my loss but in many ways I felt inconsolable.

Updating...

I've neglected this blog for a while now, almost a full year, and it's definitely time to update it.  It'll take a while but I will get it done.  Be patient with me.

Kindergarten Round-up

Each year Y's school holds a night for the incoming kindergartens and their parents to come in, ask questions, pick up materials, etc. it's called Kindergarten Round-up and we first found out about it when we went in to register her for Kindergarten.

It was absolutely fabulous!  Y was able to go off with the other incoming students and the teachers; they did some color and played a game while the parents were able to have a Q&A session with the principal.  I can honestly say that this night at the school, seeing what it will be like, interacting with the teachers has helped to change her mind about attending school in the fall.  Over the past month she had warmed up a bit more to the idea but this actually excited and energized her.  It even made me excited for her because I now know that she will be attending an excellent school, in an excellent district with awesome faculty and staff.

At the close of the night we were all able to board a couple buses and let the kids take a ride on the school bus and I'm fairly certain that was Y's absolute favorite part (and Q's too)!

Tobogganing

Y & Q were watching an episode of Caillou while I was in the kitchen making dinner and talking with B.  In the episode Caillou's preschool class was going to go tobogganing (sledding) but he couldn't find his toboggan.  He was sad (blah, blah, blah) until his teacher gives him the idea of creating a toboggan out of a cardboard box which he then decorated and of course all the other kids wanted to use his toboggan to because it was just so GREAT!

Well after it ended Y comes to me and says, "mommy, I can't find a box big enough."  After more questioning I figured out that she wanted to decorate a box and pretend to go sledding.  Well we didn't have a big box (or any box) available so I told her to just use the laundry basket and pretend.

A few minutes later I hear, "watch out Q, I'm going tobogganing."  Q had been playing on the stairs so after a quick moment I began to wonder if Y was actually going to try to go tobogganing down the stairs.  I dropped everything and moved as fast as I could to discover Y near the edge of the steps ready to push herself down.  Fortunately we were able to stop her before she pushed off but we had to explain that it's just pretend, that she can't actually go sledding in the house OR down any set of stairs.

She was sad but did allow us to snap a quick picture and have a good laugh.

Coincidence? I Sure Hope So...

This guy (above) is Redfoo from the group LMFAO.  Though I've seen him before I had to use Google to find out what his "name" is.  I am also 100% sure that my 4½ year old would have no clue who this guy was if she was shown a photo of him yet, in the collage below it sure seems to me as if she is channeling him with her crazy hair and weird outfit.

One thing is for sure though...we have a performer on our hands!

Easter

We again spent Easter in Canada this year and as usual we had the Easter Egg Hunt on Saturday.  Aunt D helped with hiding all the eggs.  The girls had a blast looking for all the eggs, even though I forgot their Easter baskets at home and they had to improvise.

On Sunday morning we all went to church and when we returned Q was fast asleep and Y, after waiting several hours, couldn't wait any longer and wanted to see what the Easter Bunny had brought them.  

We took them on a wagon ride to the park where, among other things, Y enjoyed pushing Q on the swings!

We weren't able to get photos of the girls in their Easter outfits because Q was fast asleep and Y didn't want to stay "dressed up" for that long, she wanted to go out and play.  So we took photos at a later date, but since I'm writing this post after the fact, here they are:

Can you tell that Y is a lil' diva already?

Already?!?

Q has proved to be an exact opposite of her big sister at the same age.  Q is VERY girlie!  She loves shoes, purses, enjoys having her hair done (as long as it's quick), loves wearing jewelry, etc.  Every morning she goes into my room selects a shoe box, removes the shoes and parades around the house in them...EVERY morning without fail.

We took her to the Crocs store recently to figure out her size and it was nearly impossible to get her to take the shoes off, we had to bribe her with a trip to the cookie store or something like that.

So you can imagine her excitement when the mailman brought a new shiny pair of shoes to the door!  And for those of you who can't imagine, here are some photos and a video!  I can't believe how well she walks in them already (and they're open-toed AND way too big for her).

Trying to put them on...

She did it...

One happy girl...

She's a lil' pro

 

Thanks Pinterest

More purposeful crafts ideas from Pinterest!

I'm not sure what's come over me in the last year or 2, maybe it's the realization that I'm really in my 30's and should probably look the part a bit more, but I have rekindled my love of shoes and developed an intense appreciation for fashion jewelry.  That appreciation can mostly be attributed to a fabulous store, Charming Charlie!

We have a wonderful outdoor mall that's really close to our place and several times last summer while walking past the store I expressed to B my desire to go in.  He'd always tell me to go in and take a look but I made the assumption that it was a super chic and expensive store so I always decided not to torture myself.  Well once while at the mall with a friend I decided to throw caution to the wind and went in...

I loved, loved, loved the layout of the store; everything is color coordinated! And then there were the prices...absolutely nothing like I had assumed...I walked out with 2 sets (necklace and matching earrings) that day.  I have returned many times sense, and that explains my need for my next Pinterest projects:  Jewelry Storage!

I went back to Michael's and bought another (smaller) unfinished open back frame. Some craft paint in a shade of my favorite color and some pretty damask ribbon from Joann's.  A towel bar, window screening, and circular screws from Lowe's; some "S" shaped shower curtain holders from Walmart and bugged my neighbor to cut a piece of wood that I had laying around my house...and then I went to work!