The Debate Continues...

I've been meaning to write this post for over 24 hours but I was pretty down-in-the-dumps after my appointment yesterday so I really just avoided writing it. I've finally pulled myself up by my boot straps and pushing ahead, so here I am, writing this post.

After my ultrasound on Monday I was so very hopeful about getting the VBAC that I so badly want and then at my appointment yesterday when I finally got to meet with Dr. L and discuss the ultrasound with him all of my hopes kinda came crumbling down.  I figured it was time for another candid discussion regarding my desire to have a VBAC and so I raised a few questions regarding the risks involved.  Well he kind of dropped a bomb on me.  You see, I've done a little reading up on VBACs because I want to know what I'm getting myself into and based on these readings I had pretty much made up my mind that I was going to attempt a VBAC.  The bomb that was dropped on me though, is that I am a high risk patient so the risks I was reading about in these other stories and books aren't really applicable to me.  Well, I guess it's more like those risks are applicable to me...but having Gestational Diabetes and Chronic Hypertension open up an entire new world of risks that I had no clue about.  Just talking about those risks intimidate me.  In the end I just want to make the decision that is healthiest for me and Baby Q and hearing about the possibilities really makes me question what the best decision is for us.

I guess before I was focused on VBAC vs. C-Section.  I knew the risks of a VBAC as well as the risks of a C-Section and in weighing them VBAC always came out on top.  What I never fully accounted for in my previous analysis was what happens if I choose VBAC and I'm unsuccessful in that attempt.  That was the discussion I had with Dr. L yesterday and ultimately that is the discussion that really has me wondering what path is the right one for us.  He also gave me a copy of the consent form that I'll have to sign regardless of which choice I make.  When he handed it to me to read over he forewarned me that it was going to be a shock to the system, and he was right.  It put me even more in a funk even though it was written to be unbiased and gave risks of both. I'll type it up below so you can all read how delightful it is for yourselves!

In reading and talking to other people on message boards and such I always get such a negative vibe when they refer to Obstetricians and everyone seems to scream that I should just switch to a midwife.  Well, being a high risk patient makes that decision for me, I pretty much have to see an OB and to be quite honest, I don't think I'd change even if I could.  I like my doctor and I can always rely on him to give it to me straight.  And so, with all the OB bashing that I hear and read about I have to hand it to Dr. L he hasn't tried to coerce me into making a decision either way and I know that regardless of what decision I make he'll go with it and do his best to make sure that both I and Baby Q come out of it healthy.

Here's the lovely consent form I mentioned above:

Statement of Informed Consent

For Patients with a Prior Cesarean Birth

1. I understand that I have had one or more prior cesarean(s).
2. I understand that I have the option of undergoing an elective repeat cesarean or attempting a vaginal birth after a cesarean (VBAC)
3. I understand that approximately 70% of women who undergo a VBAC will successfully deliver vaginally and that the remaining 30% must have a cesarean.
4. I understand that VBAC carries a higher risk of harm to my baby than a cesarean and these risks have been thoroughly explained to me.
5. I understand that the risk of a uterine rupture during a VBAC in someone such as myself, who has had a prior incision in the noncontracting part of my uterus is around 1%.  I understand that if my uterus ruptures during my VBAC, there may not be sufficient time to operate and to prevent the death of, or permanent brain injury to my baby.
6. I understand that if i deliver vaginally, it is likely that I will have fewer problems after delivery and a shorter hospital stay than if I have a cesarean section
7. I understand that VBAC carries a lower risk to me than does a cesarean delivery and the risks of each procedure have been thoroughly explained to me.
8. I understand that during my VBAC, the use of oxytocin (Pitocin) hormone to make my uterus contract may be necessary to assist me in my vaginal delivery and the potential effects of this drug have been thoroughly explained to me.
9. I understand that if I choose a VBAC and end up having a cesarean during labor, I have a greater risk of problems than if I had had an elective repeat cesarean and these risks and potential problems have been thoroughly explained to me.
10. I understand that in having a vaginal delivery I am exposing myself to the future risk of symptoms of pelvic relaxation including urinary and fecal incontinence and these symptoms have been fully explained to me.
11. I understand that the decision to have a VBAC is entirely my own, and the option of an elective repeat cesarean has been discussed with me
12. I have read or had had read to me the above information and I understand it.
13. I have had an opportunity to ask any questions I would like to ask regarding all of the matters described in 1 through 12 above.

I have received all the information I want.  After discussing the matter with my doctor:

It then has 2 spaces for signature, one above "I want to attempt a VBAC" and another above "I want a repeat cesarean."

On behalf of myself and my baby, i agree to accept the risks associated with the procedure I have chosen and release my physician, nurse, hospital and other health care providers from any and all damages related to any injury, illness and/or death resulting from the risks associated with the procedure I have selected.

There is another space for signature and date as well as a space to print my name.

Doesn't all that sound depressing to you too???

Intermittent Exotropia, Part II

You may remember this post written back in March regarding Y's 30 month well check-up.  I wrote about Intermittent Exotropia and how we had scheduled an appointment for Y to meet with an ophthalmologist and have her eyes checked regarding it.  Well that appointment was this past Tuesday, May 24th. 

Long story short, she does in fact have Intermittent Exotropia in her left eye but it happens very infrequently and even when it does occur she is very good at controlling it.  The doctor we met with explained to us that in cases like Y's they do not treat it, rather they just keep an eye on it.  She will go back in November for a quick check-up just to make sure it hasn't worsened but we're confident that it's nothing to be concerned about.  Should it get much, much worse we would then discuss having her wear a patch over one eye or possible surgery in order to correct it.

We're just glad to know that she has an extremely mild case of it as of right now and that it requires no treatment.  We'll remain optimistic that it will stay that way in the future!

Holding On to Hope

At my 20 week ultrasound when I was told that Baby Q was in the 96th percentile, I pretty much had little hope of having a successful VBAC.  But today I have a new reason to hold on to hope!  I had an ultrasound today and she is only in the 54th percentile, at 28 weeks 6 days Baby Q is 1372 grams (about 3 pounds).  At about this same time of gestation Y was 68th percentile so I am celebrating that 14% difference today.

I was positive that I was going to be told that she was around the 70th percentile today but I was very surprised to learn that she isn't even close to it.  We did find out that she is currently in a head up position which only has me a little concerned.  Generally by this point babies are in a head down position but I keep reminding myself that Y was transverse (sideways) until almost the very end of my pregnancy and just when I had given up hope, she turned herself into that downward position.  I don't think it'll be anything to be seriously concerned about until at least 34-36 weeks, though I'll be sure to ask my doctor about it at my appointment on Wednesday.

I mentioned in a previous post that my ultrasound was rescheduled for Wednesday, May 25th.  Well this morning I awoke to a message from the doctor's office asking me to call them as soon as possible.  This threw me into panic mode because I figured that had received the results to the 24 hour urinalysis which I completed last week.  I quickly drew the conclusion that they had found a high level of protein in my urine, the doctor wanted to meet with me immediately, I would likely be diagnosed with pre-eclampsia which would undoubtedly lead to me spending the rest of my pregnancy on bed rest which would then lead to me having to find something to do with Y because I can't possibly take care of an active toddler while on bed rest.  I allowed myself to run through all these possible scenarios for 15 minutes until I finally got up the nerve to return their phone call.  Needless to say all that panic was for naught, they only wanted me to call back so quickly so that they could reschedule my ultrasound for TODAY instead of Wednesday.  It still took a while for my blood pressure to return to normal though, I allow myself to get worked up way too easily!

Potty Training Chronicles II

Dare I say we have COMPLETED potty training (knock on wood)!  As of today Y has gone a full week without a single accident and has been waking with a dry pull-up even longer than that!

As it turns out the day after I wrote the last potty training post turned out to be a nightmare, hence the knocking on wood above.  I did so much bragging about her pottying abilities that I should have known it would blow up in my face.  To say that day was horrible would be an understatement but I'm pretty sure it was a test to see if I'd give up.  I didn't give up, in fact if anything, I became more persistent than I had been before.

It turns out that the hardest thing for her seemed to have been what she grasped the quickest originally, going #2.  She had 2 incidents with really hard stools and then it was like she was done with it and for a week or more she refused to go #2 in the potty and would wait until I was busy cooking dinner or even when she was in bed at night to finally let loose.  And then she made the mistake of her life, she clued me in on her #2 signal.  One afternoon she was watching Caillou and she came to me and asked me "can I go in my room and play by myself?"  I told her yes without even really giving it a thought but 5 minutes later it struck me as odd.  You see, she never plays in her room alone and she HATES being in their with the door closed.  So when i realized that not only was she in her room "playing" quietly but she had also shut her door, I knew something was awry.  And sure enough when I went to check on her she had pooped.  And so, that is how I realized her signal that she had to go #2.  From then on out if she went to her room and closed her door, she was doing so with the intention of pooping and so I had to increase my awareness of what she was doing and where she was at all times.  It made for a tough few days and that is when she began going a night when she was in bed but eventually I was able to teach her that her "holding it" was what made it hurt.  It took her actually going #2 when she should instead of holding it in for her to learn that it doesn't have to hurt.  I will add that having her drink half a cup of plum juice helped as well...it really works well!  We call it her "Special Juice!"

I'm so proud of my little princess!  Here's to hoping for an accident free future.

28 Weeks

We are finally 28 weeks along and have reached the 3rd trimester!!!  This is the final stretch, though the light at the end of the tunnel still seems really far away.  We were scheduled to have an ultrasound this week to check the size of Baby Q at this point but the ultrasound tech had to change her schedule and won't be in the office at the time of my appointment so we just pushed it back a week.

Baby Q is doing a lot of moving around these days, especially when Y thinks it's funny to jump all over me.  One day I'm sure Q will make Y pay for all the abuse she suffered while baking in there.  All else seems to be going well at this point and today we finally snapped a few pictures of me that show my belly a bit more.  I am most definitely "showing" now though I can still hide it if I wear a sweats though I can tell I will quickly lose that ability as well, not that I want to hide it.  I love the fact that I actually look more pregnant these days and wouldn't dream of hiding it!  Though the recent cold weather has brought about the return of said sweatshirts and sweatpants.

Mother's Day 2011

I am so very grateful for mothers!  I have been blessed to be surrounded by so many wonderful women that are such awesome examples of what motherhood should be.  I am not the perfect mother, any mother will tell you that there's really no such thing.  We all make mistakes and do just plain stupid things some time, but for the most part, we love our children and ultimately want the best for them. 

Motherhood is vastly different from what I thought it would be, I'm a very different mother than I ever thought I'd be.  Motherhood has made me a different person, a better person I hope.  I used to wonder what was happening to me when I realized my hopes and dreams were starting to change; all the things I had ever wanted in my life were all of a sudden so much less important.  Somewhere along the line I became less obsessed with having a large beautiful house, or the car of my dreams, or even having the job that would enable me to purchase those things.  And then I realized that it wasn't my dreams that had really changed, it was the value I placed in those dreams that changed.  Sure, someday I'd still love to have a big beautiful house and the car of my dreams but it's far less important to me than knowing that our child(ren) are mentally, physically and spiritually healthy.  Knowing that they know that they are one of the top priorities in my life, having an active role in their daily life, cheering them on whether they succeed or fail at anything, hugging and kissing them multiple times a day so that they know without a doubt just how much they are loved, and being able to be there when they need me and hopefully not having to brush them aside for whatever else happens to be going on at the moment.  Those are the things that really matter to me as a mom and those are the things that I have been able to witness the mothers in my life do.  I am nowhere near being the mother that I want to be but with so many positive examples of motherhood surrounding me, I know that sooner or later I will get there.

On a slightly different note, this Mother's Day (and Father's Day) we decided to give gifts to our parents but not to each other.  We have something planned at the end of the month that we are going to be spending the money on instead (more details on that later, for now it's top secret, and if you know the secret...don't let it slip!).  But I received lots of hugs and kisses and heard "Happy Mother's Day, Mommy" enough to leave me more than content with that.  We went to church, returned home and made phone calls or did video chats, had dinner, got lots of rest and enjoyed being together as a family.  I truly feel like the luckiest woman on the earth, well aside from the swollen feet, ankles and legs which I'm experiencing today, but even that couldn't ruin my day!

The beautiful bouquet of flowers and card Yanna made for me at church today!

 

She loves her mommy!



Happy Mother's Day to all women everywhere!  I hope your day was as amazing as mine!

It's About Time

Back in February I ordered what was to be my Easter Dress, I loved it immediately.  I only had one problem:  the dress had cap sleeves and I hate my arms!  So for a while I contemplated what to do and eventually decided that some pretty yarn I had stashed away for some random future project now had a new purpose - I was gonna knit myself a cardigan to wear with the dress.  I only had one problem, at the time when I decided this I was already working on a project and I have a strict policy of not starting a new project until I finish the one that's currently in progress.

By the time I finished the other project, it was March 24th, exactly one month before Easter.  I was kind of in a panic because I wasn't sure if I could knit an entire cardigan in a month's time, but I decided to give it a shot.  I made incredible time, until I made one HUGE, time consuming blunder.  I had finished the back, left side, right side and one sleeve of the cardigan.  I began the second sleeve and then I realized my error, I had misread the instructions and knitted almost the entire first sleeve (aside from the edging) wrong and I knew my only option was to pull it out and start again.  I was extremely frustrated with myself, I had wasted 4 nights knitting a sleeve WRONG and what annoyed me even more was that my perfectionist self didn't catch my mistake until I was knitting the second sleeve.  So I finished the sleeve I was working on and then set out to pull all of the stitches out of the incorrect sleeve and start it over again.  Up until this point I was pretty confident that I would make my deadline but even this setback didn't completely deter me because at this point I still had two weeks before Easter.

Re-knitting the sleeve took longer than it had taken the first time, I believe it took me an extra night and at this point I realized that I needed to start doing some knitting during the day whenever I could sneak it in.  Well I don't have a lot of time during the day to sneak in knitting, I mostly knit at night after Y and B are in bed.  But I made it past the sleeve and still had about one week left to finish it.  It took me one night to sew all the pieces together and then I only had to knit the edging that goes around the the entire outside of the cardigan.  I knew just from looking at the pattern that it would be intense and boy was I right!  It wasn't until the day before Easter that I realized there was no way I would finish it on time.  I had rushed my way through the edging and realized that I had made too many mistakes to be satisfied with it and so the night before Easter, I pulled the entire week's worth of work out and started again. 

I was very disappointed on Easter and even though everyone thought the dress was gorgeous, I wasn't satisfied with it.  But I kept plugging away at the edging at night and found once again that I needed to pull all the stitches out and start again.  I did it with so much frustration that I even contemplated changing the border completely and doing something much more simple but I stuck it out and last night, the day before Mother's Day, I finished the cardigan.  And today, I was finally able to wear the dress and think to myself, "yes, it is gorgeous!"

Anyway, here's some pictures.  I failed to take any close up pictures of my own cardigan that would show the detail so I went to the website and used someone else's picture.  But I will include a photo of me wearing the dress and the cardigan but I beg you to ignore my swollen legs and feet!

Easter...A Few Weeks Late

This year (well pretty much every year) we spent Easter in Canada with family.  These are all the pictures I actually took which is kinda sad...I'm slacking on my picture taking habits.  I didn't really get photos of Y's Easter Egg Hunt, partially because she surprised me and fell asleep when I wasn't expecting it (she was wearing big girl underwear) and had a little accident while still wearing her Easter dress.  The other part was due to the fact that it was pretty stinkin' cold outside and Grandpa P had put some fertilizer on the grass a few days before so we figured it was safer to do it indoors as opposed to doing it in the yard.  It didn't seem to matter to her at all though, she loved searching for the eggs just as much!  Next year she'll have a little sister crawling behind her grabbing eggs of her own!

26 Week Appointment

Today we had another doctor appointment and everything went pretty well.  My blood pressure was 121/83 which is great, actually the best it's been in my past few visits.  My blood sugar levels were good as well, though he is contemplating having me take a small evening dosage of Glyburide in order to bring my after dinner numbers down to where they should be.

If you remember, during our last pregnancy he also had me take Glyburide but I only lasted for four days because it was lowering my blood sugar levels far too much, to levels that were making me sick.  But I am confident that this time around if I'm only taking it in the evening after dinner when my blood sugar levels are at their highest then it should be okay. 

The most important blood sugar reading is the fasting blood sugar and in that arena I am doing amazingly.  For that reason, and a few others, he now leans more towards me having an insulin resistance than diabetes.  I don't know a whole bunch about insulin resistance but I'll be doing some research to try to learn and figure out more about it. 

Other than that I have to do another 24 hour urinalysis, which I'm not excited about at all.  I wish there were an easier way to test for protein in the urine, I'd honestly just prefer they give me a catheter for 24 hours.  My fundal height is measuring 3 weeks ahead, so around 29 weeks.  In 2 weeks at my next appointment I will also have an ultrasound to figure out the approximate size of Baby Q.  Based on the fact that I'm measuring 3 weeks ahead, I don't hold out much hope that she will be a "small" baby by any means.

Potty Training Chronicles

About a month ago Y began to take her diapers off after she had gone potty in it.  She didn't discriminate either, it could have been a drop (which you knew based on the absorbency of the diaper that she didn't "feel" wet) or it could be a lot.  Quantity didn't matter, what mattered is that she knew she had gone potty and she expected a new diaper because of it. 

Well I love Huggies Supreme's because they are SUPER absorbent and at $19-25 a box we were not about to throw away a diaper just because she did a minute amount of #1 in it.  And so it was time to end my procrastination and finally potty train her.  I was really bad at procrastinating, I honestly feel like she was ready to be trained at 2 - over 6 months ago - and we've had her potty chair for over a year so I just needed to kick it into high gear and get it done.  Plus I wanted her out of diapers before Q arrives.

A friend recommended a method that she has used and her mom had used before her which I researched and found both good and bad reviews about - Toilet Training in Less Than a Day.  Even though the negative reviews that I found were REALLY negative, some even saying that it scarred their kids, I decided that I'd give it a shot and if it didn't work then I had only lost a day in the effort.  Besides, what did I have to lose, I was completely clueless on how to potty train a kid. 

So I prepared everything, read the entire book over again, took detailed (10 pages) notes from the book, typed up all the charts, and taped all the notes and charts on the wall as a "quick reference guide" so I would have the info if I needed it quickly.  We started after breakfast and it was intense to say the least!  Five hours later I was frustrated and in tears because I felt like she was really having these "accidents" on purpose.  I called my mom in complete frustration and cried it out to her and she was positive and tried to lift my spirits and encouraged me to keep trying but do things the "old-fashioned way" this time.  I should point out that the bulk of my frustration came from the fact that all of the accidents Y had that day were either right next to the potty chair or within a couple feet of it.  She would either just stand there or squat and just let it all loose on the kitchen floor (the book recommends training in the kitchen because the floor is a lot easier to clean than carpet).  So after those 5 hours I decided I was done, put her in a pull-up and just let her go play for the rest of the day - I felt like a failure.

Sometime later that night I got my resolve back and I decided that I was NOT giving up and that I was NOT going to do it the "old-fashioned way" either.  I decided that we would have Potty Training Day 2 and we would pick up exactly where we started off!  And boy am I glad that I did, it was like something clicked for Y overnight!  We still had a couple accidents that day but I could tell that she had figured out that she was never going to wear another diaper and that going to the bathroom in the potty is what big girls do!

She wears cotton training pants during the day and pull-ups at night to bed.  This week (we are in our second week) she has either only had a single accident or none at all during the day.  When she has to go to the bathroom you can hear her saying, "Y no wet-wet on the floor" as she runs to the potty.  Each day she seems to wake up with a drier Pull-up than the day before so I am hoping that we will soon be done with those as well.  When she can go a week without having an accident she will get to upgrade to her Dora the Explorer underwear.  She's doing great!

And if you're wondering whether I'll use the same method next time around...I certainly will!  It may have taken us 2 days (total time of about 8 hours) of dedicated potty training instead of what the book says is typical but I'll take 2 days over 2 months or more any day of the week!  And I don't think it scarred Y in the least!