...And I Thought We Were Doing So Well

It's just after 3am and I know I should be in bed, but I guess I am really just a bit down right now. I just fed Y and as I picked her up out of her bassinet and prepared to feed her, she was of course turning her head towards the breast and I had to stick a bottle in her mouth. It really sucks and is proving to be really hard. The doctor told me, "It's nothing that you're doing" and "not to feel guilty." But it's hard not to feel like it's something I'm doing wrong and it's really impossible to "not feel guilty." I guess I should tell you why I'm not breastfeeding, huh? (That may be a good idea). Well today we went to the pediatrician to check Y's weight since I felt so uneasy about it last visit. I went in thinking that she would be fine, I mean we've made so much progress. I read Babywise and Baby Whisperer, we were making progress with the E.A.S.Y routine (still working on the S so I haven't really gotten much of the Y yet), she was eating every 2.5 to 3 hours. I was so excited and so sure that everything was fine...and then the nurse walks in and weighs her and we find that she's only gained 3 oz in 2 weeks when she should gain approximately an ounce a day. At this point the doctor is not sure if it is just her or if it is a problem with my milk (not enough caloric content or she's not getting enough hindmilk). It's funny, I never really thought I'd be so bothered by not being able to breastfeed but now that I'm experiencing it I absolutely hate not being able to do it. It was my time with her, and it really ticks me off that I made it through all the snack feeds and the terribly sore nipples and all the tears that came along with all it only to reach this point. It may only be that I have to do this for 2 days (she goes back to the Dr on Friday to be reassessed) but that just seems to be so far away at this point. I've received advice from friends to either continue to supplement or to ignore the doctor completely, I'm seriously torn at this point as to what to do. I mean, she's had bottles before. The upsetting part is that I've never had to be the one to give it to her. Either B or my mom would give her the bottle, I only ever did it twice and that was when my nipples were unbearably sore. I've called my lactation consultant to ask her opinion but she's not in again until Friday, so it looks like either way I won't know anything until then...hopefully the scale was just broken! Well I'm going to bed now, but at least I got some pumping done while typing this, if I can't use it for Yanna then maybe I'll sell it. I hear the going rate is $7 an ounce! Here's some pictures, enjoy!

Daddy Time

Mommy Time

Baby Time (She is so freakin' beautiful!)