Sunday, March 30, 2008
Not My Will...
Okay, so I have finally reached a point where I am at peace enough to share my latest pregnancy woes (if I can call it that). Just when I felt that I had adjusted to being labeled a gestational diabetic, I go to my doctors visit on Wednesday to find that I am now labeled a chronic hypertensive gestational diabetic. Well if any of you are unsure of what that is, it basically means that I have high blood pressure as well as the diabetes. As you can imagine, I was devastated. After talking to the doctor and asking a million questions and having him waste his precious time telling me not to worry, I leave the doctor's office and make it to the car before the sky opens and my tears start to flow for what seems like an endless amount of time. I cried out of fear, out of extreme sadness, out of helplessness - knowing that I have very little control over things from here on out. I was previously not emotionally prepared to share this because the simple thought of it would bring me to tears. There are still a lot of unknowns out there but I feel as if I am more able and prepared to accept what happens, despite of what happens. I have had the prayers of close family members, I have had these same family members fast on our behalf, and I have spent time in the temple praying and listening and I can truly say that I am more peaceful than ever. I do not suggest that I know how things will turn out but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will be prepared and able to accept the outcome. I am now willing to accept Heavenly Father's will for our family which was a huge struggle for me because I always feel the need to be in complete control of my life. Don't get me wrong, the possibility of having preeclampsia, stillbirth, miscarriage and the host of other potential problems stills scares me but I have faith that things will turn out the way that they should.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Hey, don't be devasted, I used to work as a nurse on the NICU and post-partum floor. Yes there are many risks associated with your conditions, but let me tell you, I saw many a healthy babies being born to mothers with similar conditions. Your almost there! Just take good care of yourself and that baby, and remember, when you hold that cute little person in your arms, all this will be a distant memory and your new lives will be ready to begin! You're in our thoughts and prayers. Lisa
Umeka, I don't want to downplay the risks of your condition, but remember that you have a wonderful doctor that has taken the time to check into your well-being and knows very well the path your body is taking. There have been MANY SUCCESSFUL pregnancies with the same or even worse conditions. You have been blessed on so many levels. Think of the women back in the day that were unaware, or unable to take any preventative action because of the lack of knowledge in the medical field, or worse, the lack of medical care. You are a tough cookie and I know you can overcome the worry and fear you feel and make it into strength. Although, we all are entitled to our moments of despair!
Yes, the Lord is in charge. Isn't it wonderful? I'm so glad you feel peace. You're a strong woman and you have a wonderful supportive husband. Everything is going to be ok. We're praying for you and love you! It was great to see you Sunday!
You're going to make it through, and these trials will help you love your baby even more. You're strong...you can make it. Just rely on the Lord and he'll lead you to what decisions and choices you'll need to make to keep you healthy.
Post a Comment