I think it was harder to convince my mom of that, because let's face it, even though I don't personally feel I've ever been depressed there is a family history of depression. Couple that with the fact that she has been pretty sad that she can't be here to help me with Y and Q and to say she has been worried about me would be a bit of an understatement. I won't lie, I've probably given her reason to worry as I've spent quite a bit of my time on the phone with her in tears. In tears because I felt inadequate as a mother, because I had little to no sleep, because I yelled at Y when I overreacted about something that wasn't that big of a deal in the first place. I can go on and on but mostly I just felt alone once B returned to work.
For a while I did wonder if I were suffering from Postpartum Depression. I Googled it to check out the symptoms. I emailed and messaged friends who had experienced it. I wondered if I should take a drug that would help my milk supply if it was also known to cause/worsen depression.
In the end I prayed about it and decided to go with taking the drug. Now things seem to be on the way up and my head is coming out of the clouds and I realize that this time, as well as with Y, it was just a case of the baby blues. I also realize that breastfeeding was/is the main cause of those baby blues and when I looked back over this period with Y I can remember feeling many of the same feelings, only I wasn't nearly as sleep deprived. There's no doubt about it though, the baby blues suck! But I'm relieved that it was only the baby blues and nothing more serious like postpartum depression!
And if you're curious, no, the drug didn't cause me to have any depressive thoughts. I used the same drug when I needed to increase my milk supply with Y and fortunately for me it works wonders without the negative side effects. Q is nursing well, she's latching perfectly, she's gaining weight and she's sleeping better. All pluses for me! Hopefully those baby blues are a thing of the past! We're having Q blessed this Sunday, she will be a day shy of 4 weeks old. We also blessed Y when she was about the same age and that's about the point when my blues disappeared as well. So maybe it's just those first 3-4 weeks until the breastfeeding thing is all figured out and the stress of it has fizzled. Either way, I'm relieved to be past it!
