Heartbreaking

Pretty much my entire day today was filled with thoughts about gratitude.  Mostly about how I tend to focus more on what I could have without expressing gratitude for what I do have.  Some examples:

• I want B to finally get that better job he's been searching for...B has a job that provides us with all that we need (plus a little extra).
• I want a second car...We have a car that, besides a dead battery once, has NEVER given us a single issue.
• I want a bigger house...We have a beautiful home that provides us with shelter from the elements and offers us sufficient space.

I could go on with more examples but I'll spare you the boredom of reading them all and I'll spare myself the embarrassment of sounding even more whiny.  The truth of the matter is I'm richly blessed, probably much more so than I deserve. 

And so while already contemplating this and feeling heavy hearted at my lack of appreciation for all of the wonderful blessings that I do have, I came across this article while reading news headlines on Yahoo.  It's about a mother and her son, the son who was not quite 3 years old had been diagnosed with a disease known as EB at birth.  He did in his mother's arms.  She has a blog and so I clicked the link in the article to visit her blog.  I read the following words, her words, and I cried:

My precious angel received his wings today.  I have had many nightmares about having to write this post.  He was exactly 2 years and 8 months old.  It happened within minutes of me picking him up out of bed and rocking him.  He took his last peaceful breaths in my arms, in his most favorite spot.  My heart literally hurts more than I ever thought was possible.  I'm completely lost without him and don't know where to go or what to do when my feet hit the floor.  I miss him so much it physically hurts.

 I cried because she is suffering an unimaginable loss.  I cried because, while I've never myself experienced a loss such as hers, I could place myself in her shoes and understand just how deeply it must hurt.  I cried because I cradle my own babies next to me everyday and the thought of waking up one day and doing that for the last time breaks my heart.  And I cried because I have two beautiful, happy, healthy little girls and I don't express my gratitude for that nearly enough.

And so, with that I've added a goal for 2012!  And it'd undoubtedly the most important goal I could ever set.  In 2012 I want to take less for granted, to express gratitude for the blessings I have and stop focusing so much time and attention on the blessings I don't yet have and may never have.  Because in the end how many cars we have or how much space we have are completely unimportant.  We are alive, we are healthy, we are happy and we have all that we need - that's plenty cause for us to celebrate!